


Back To Us

by dvg



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Love, M/M, Post-Prison, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:27:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25692796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvg/pseuds/dvg
Summary: Another re-post of a post-prison reunion fic.Robert calls off the divorce after getting sick in prison. With the prospect of getting an early release, he asks Aaron to come see him. Will they call off their divorce and work things out with a million different obstacles in their way?
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> just another re-post post-prison reunion fic.

There were a million other places that he would rather be. But it was better than the alternative, Aaron thought. It was either come out with Blake or listen to his mum lecture him about his lack of socializing again, which just gave him a headache.

Aaron preferred solitude without companionship and the pressure that came with it.

_ We just want you to be happy. _

_ You need to move on. _

_ Robert wouldn’t want you to live the rest of your life alone. _

The bastard had made the sacrifice, a sacrifice Aaron would have preferred he hadn’t made, but that didn’t make it any easier to face.

Robert had tried to shield him from a life of standing still, spending years stuck married to a man that was going to spend the next fourteen years in prison, but that hadn't been his decision to make, and that's what pissed Aaron off the most.

Robert had given him no say, instead, he had taken the easy way out; just like he always did.

Did he ever think about Aaron and wonder how close he had come to throwing his own life away because of the pain? Or was he so blinded by his own need to ease his guilty conscience by pretending Aaron no longer existed?

Bastard, Aaron thought again as he looked around the Italian restaurant Blake had dragged him to. It was noisy and way too intimate for Aaron’s liking with candles on every table and the lights dimmed low. It screamed romance.

He wanted to turn around and bolt, but it was too late.

What annoyed him more than the loud noise and the stuffy atmosphere was the fact that their table was already occupied. Another setup.

Sneaky little bastard, Aaron thought.

Aaron’s voice was icy as he glared at his friend. “You have got to be kidding me.”

_ I wish people would leave me the hell alone. I can run my own life. _

He was really starting to get fed up with the constant interference from friends and family when it came to his love life. He wasn’t even officially divorced yet.

Blake ignored him. “Aaron, this is Evan.”

He would be polite, Aaron promised himself, and shook Evan’s hand.

Evan was handsome enough, Aaron supposed. Rich bronze hair framed his face, the well-tailored suit screamed self-proclaimed businessman. His smile was friendly but cocky. A man that had charm and knew how to use it.

Aaron cursed himself when Robert sprang to mind, and he pushed the image away before it hurt too much.

It was too late to bolt so Aaron decided just to make the most of it and ordered stuffed ravioli and one too many glasses of wine. He made pleasant conversation, asked the appropriate questions that he knew was expected, and pretended to care when Evan answered them even though he could have cared less.

Aaron was too drunk at the end of the night to refuse Evan’s offer to drive him home. Evan was interested in continuing their conversation with a nightcap, but Aaron tried to brush him off, evaded his advances.

Evan leaned against the door jamb. "We're both unattached. There's no harm in having another drink. It doesn't have to lead to anything if you don't want it to."

"Mate, look, I'm sure you're a great bloke, but I'm just not ready for any of this."

"There doesn't have to be any strings. We can just hang out, have another drink. Maybe I can help you relax a little. You're very tense." 

Aaron's phone went off, which he was thankful for because he was tired of this game. He grabbed his phone from his jacket pocket and groaned. “Thanks for the lift and I'm sorry but I'm just not interested. And I have to take this. It’s my lawyer.”

“Your lawyer? Are you in trouble or something?”

“My divorce lawyer.” Aaron spat out the word.

“Blake mentioned you were in the middle of a divorce,” Evan said carefully.

“Not my choice,” Aaron said bitterly. “Robert decided it all by himself that it was the best thing for both of us.”

Evan liked Aaron but he preferred not to get entangled in what appeared to be a messy divorce. “I’ll let you get that. Maybe we can get together again when you’re feeling up to it.”

“Yeah maybe.” Aaron didn’t spare him a second glance as he walked back up the drive to his car. He put the phone to his ear as he heard Evan's engine rev to life. “Rod," Aaron said into the phone, preparing himself.

“Aaron.” Rod was all business. “I’m sending you an email I just got from Robert’s lawyer.”

“Why would he be in contact with you now? We’re still a few weeks away from the divorce being finalized.”

Rod paused. “Aaron, Robert has called off the divorce.”

He would have been more shocked if Rod had told him Robert had sprouted horns. He sat down on the sofa before he lost his balance. His legs felt as hard as stone, he was surprised they moved at all. “What are you on about? He’s the one that wanted it in the first place.”

“Just take a look at the email and give me a call in the morning. We can talk about it then.”

As Aaron ended the call and pocketed his phone, he started shuffling through the mail on the table to keep from analyzing all the different scenarios racing around in his head. He wasn't going to let himself go back to that place where he believed there was still something between them that could be saved.

A letter from the prison caught his attention. He tucked it under his arm for later. First things first. He had to know why Robert had suddenly decided to stall the divorce.

He opened up his laptop and braced himself. The email from Robert’s solicitor stared back at him, the first sentence sending his heart into a tailspin.

_ With respect to the divorce proceedings between Mr. Sugden and Mr. Dingle, I wish to advise you that we have made a petition to stop the pending divorce. _

Then he read further down and cursed himself for still caring what happened to Robert.

_ Mr. Sugden is currently undergoing medical attention for pneumonia under the care at the prison infirmary. _

Is he okay? Aaron wondered, mentally kicking himself for being worried about someone who had stopped caring about him months ago.

_ Mr. Sugden was moved to a different prison last month after his sentence was reduced from murder to manslaughter. _

Aaron shook his head. Why hadn't he heard about this? And why hadn't Vic or Diane said anything to him?

Because Robert had probably told them not to. Then why the sudden change of heart? Did he feel guilty? 

Was there a chance that Robert hadn't meant anything he said and that he still cared?

_ He has a parole hearing in two weeks. We are confident that Mr. Sugden will be granted an early release for time served. _

Why did Robert keep leaving him in the dark? If and when Aaron saw him again he was going to get an ear full about just what Aaron thought about his lies, his attempts to block him from his life. 

He wasn't getting away with it.

_ Should your client wish to contest the petition, I attach a copy of the filed Notice to Dispense Divorce Proceedings for service upon you. As per the rules of court, you and your client have fourteen days to contest. Should your client agree with my client’s position, we will prepare the necessary paperwork to end these proceedings where thereby no divorce will be granted and Mr. Sugden and Mr. Dingle will be free to contact each other without any legal impediments. _

“I don't believe---” Aaron tore open the envelope from the prison before he could change his mind.

It was true, Aaron thought as he stared blankly at the words that changed everything.

_ We are writing to advise you that your husband was transferred to HMP Lichema on March 5th, 2020 after the court amended their earlier decision and lessened the charge of his conviction from murder to manslaughter. We were unaware that he had a spouse until recently, otherwise, we would have informed you about this change several weeks ago. We apologize for the oversight. This letter serves as our confirmation of the relocation to our facility and to confirm that Mr. Sugden is recovering from pneumonia and is expected to make a full recovery. Please contact the prison warden between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 4:00 pm to make arrangements to discuss this matter further. _

Aaron knew he had a lot to drink, but there was no way he was that drunk that he was imagining this. Everything was happening too fast, it was making his head spin. He attributed that to the alcohol, refusing to let himself believe that Robert still affected him like this.

Was this a dream? Aaron wondered as he chewed on a fingernail, an irritating habit that he tried to break. 

Without thinking it through, Aaron wrote a quick email back to his lawyer.

_ Do whatever needs to be done to stop the divorce. At least until I get a chance to go down there and talk to Robert myself. I got a letter from the prison, I will be calling them in the morning to make arrangements to see Robert. I’m putting an end to this. I need to find out what's going on. Give me a call tomorrow. _

Aaron felt like he was being drawn back into Robert's web, like invisible strings that tangled them together despite the distance between them. He couldn't see them, but he felt them.

But why had Robert changed his mind? He had been going through the motions every day, trying to put one foot in front of the other and move on because he had no other choice. Now, what was he supposed to do?

Robert had broken his heart, left him in scattered pieces like a broken vase on the floor.

He would make phone calls in the morning and make arrangements to visit Robert. He would need a good cover story to not make his family suspicious. He knew he couldn't tell anyone where he was really going, not until he had seen Robert for himself and figured out just exactly what he was going to do about their situation.

Maybe he would get there and see Robert and turn around and walk right back out. He still wasn't over his betrayal, no matter what his reasons were. 

_ I did it to protect you.  _

Of course, that's what Robert would say. He knew Robert like the back of his hand after all their years together. He was too predictable. At this moment he still despised his husband for all the pain he had caused and he didn't know how he would feel until he saw Robert face to face and could look into his eyes and finally be able to see the truth, not the lies that he had been spun. Robert wouldn't be able to hide anymore.

He had spent months trying to come to terms with their marriage being over and now he was stuck in limbo again, wondering, waiting.

He had become an expert at putting on a good show, Aaron thought the next morning as he fried eggs, buttered toast. It was still a few hours before he could call the prison. He wasn't hungry, but he'd been wasting away, or so everyone kept reminding him, so he decided cooking breakfast kept his mind occupied and would put a bit more meat on his bones.

As he brewed coffee, he berated himself for going down this path again. Was he about to land himself back under Robert's spell after he'd come so far, so close to finally letting go and moving on?

The ghost of all that might have been was tapping him on the shoulder, giving him a glimpse of what the future could be. Was it worth the risk of opening his heart up again if that's what Robert wanted from him?

What exactly did Robert want from him? he wondered as he cleaned up dishes, wiped the kitchen counters to keep his hands busy to keep from looking at the clock.

His emotions were hanging by a thread by the time eight o'clock rolled around and he got through to the prison warden after twenty minutes on hold.

He held his breath, waited until the warden had finished updating him on Robert's condition.

"His lungs were inflamed and he has experienced a high fever which we've now managed to bring down. If you decide to visit him, please be aware that he has lost a lot of weight and is still pretty tired. Once he's off his antibiotics the rest of the symptoms should fully subside."

"So he's fine and suddenly out of the blue has decided he wants to see me. After almost four months." Doubts lingered in the air like smoke from a cigarette.

"As I mentioned, he was transferred here about a month ago after his lawyer appealed his conviction and the judge made the decision to reduce his conviction to manslaughter. Due to his good behavior and other factors, they have moved up the first parole hearing."

"To be honest, I'm just surprised to hear from him after all this time. He's been in touch with his sister and stepmom but not me. If I'm being honest, I'm skeptical that this is really what he wants."

"I received the paperwork from his attorney this morning and was able to meet with Mr. Sugden shortly after. We were unaware he had a partner. The paperwork we had received up until that time had been that he was separated. He confirmed with me that while he was in the middle of the divorce, he has been second-guessing his decision for a while. He's been meeting with a counselor regularly. We suggest the two of you make arrangements to meet with the counselor. It would be ideal for both of you to help with the adjustment, especially if Mr. Sugden is granted early parole."

Aaron let go of his pride, his anger, for the time being. "I want to see him."

He stayed on the line and made arrangements to go visit Robert the next day before he put a call into Rod.

"So you're really going to go see him."

"Yeah. I have to at least go talk to him, see how he is, and decide for myself what I want to do next."

"I don't want you to make a rash decision. If you get there and meet with him and decide your marriage is over, that you both can't move past this, call me right away and we get the ball rolling again and get the divorce finalized."

Aaron didn't say it out loud in fear of being mocked or thought of as weak, because he knew that's what people would think if he just jumped back into Robert's arms like nothing had happened. Even he was starting to question his own sanity.

Anticipation pumped through his blood like fine wine. "I still love him," he said quietly. "I stayed up all night trying to think of a good reason just to let him rot in there but I just can't do that. No matter how angry I am at him for what he did to me he's still my husband. Just because he gave up on me doesn't mean I'm going to give up on him. But I'm not going to make it easy for him."

"Give me a call once you've back tomorrow. Let me know how it goes," Rod said. "And good luck. I really hope you get the answers you need and you guys are able to figure things out." 

_Me too_ , Aaron thought.

* * *

_ The next day _

Aaron decided to wear a white shirt underneath his black hoody that showed off his hard work at the gym. He looked forward to the pure satisfaction he would get when Robert laid eyes on him and would get a good glimpse at what he had given up.

He slipped on a hat and sunglasses to shield him from the harsh rays of the sun and grabbed his keys and wallet before sliding in behind the wheel.

He sent a quick text to his mum, a believable story that even she wouldn't question, and satisfied, he stepped on the gas and drove out of town.


	2. Chapter 2

The ground was painted in endless piles of fresh white snow by the time Aaron parked his car. Snowflakes drifted through the air lazily, covering the ground in a soft white blanket.

Aaron pulled the hood of his black jacket over his head for protection from the chaotic onslaught that had started to fall as soon as he’d driven out of town.

After going through security, he met the eyes of a middle-aged woman behind a large, cluttered desk, her black hair woven into a braid. She was flipping through paperwork when she noticed him. “Can I help you?”

“I’m here to see my husband.”  _ Husband.  _ The word sounded strange on his tongue, triggering memories of happier times. He hadn’t referred to Robert as his husband for so long that the word felt foreign to him. It hardly seemed appropriate when they were going through a divorce.

But the word still flowed so naturally off his tongue that he couldn’t deny that he still thought of Robert that way, despite everything.

Always had, always would.

“Name?”

“Robert Sugden.”

He was being irrational, impulsive, acting on impulse. He couldn’t deny that. That’s what had brought him here, despite the million reasons that it was better to just leave Robert in the past.

He’d never been able to succeed in doing that before, so why had he expected this time to be different?

As the uniformed officer ushered him into a small room down a long and narrow corridor, he hesitated briefly at the doorway before walking inside.

What the hell was he doing? This was bound to be a huge mistake and would only bring him more heartache.

But he couldn’t deny himself the chance to look Robert in the eye and get the truth once and for all. Maybe then he could finally bury the past and move on.

With or without Robert he still wasn’t sure.

He didn’t owe Robert anything, but he had to hear him out. If only to get the closure that Robert had denied him.

A tentative beam of sun was sneaking through the cracks of the small window. It looked like the snow had stopped.

He heard light footsteps echoing in the hallway, and the door opened and he knew he could no longer run.

The picture he’d conjured up in his mind didn’t match the man that walked into the room. The man looking at him was an aged version of the man he’d known and loved. In one split second, Aaron considered throwing everything he’d told himself out the window and throwing his arms around Robert.

This was still the man he loved, Aaron realized as their eyes met. There was no point in denying it.

Aaron watched as the guard removed the cold, metal handcuffs from Robert’s wrists. Without a word, the guard left the room, and they were alone, the air shrouded in silence.

Robert lifted his head and walked over to Aaron in fast easy strides, their bodies only inches apart. “I wasn’t sure you were going to show,” he said quietly.

Aaron tried to speak, his voice faltering into an unintelligible croak. “Almost didn’t. Couldn’t talk myself out of it.” Not that he hadn’t tried.

“You look good.”

“You look terrible.”

“Thanks," Robert said dryly

“You know me. Brutally honest. You also need to shave and get your hair cut."

Robert chose to ignore that. “Well, if it counts for anything, I’m glad you’re here.”

“Are you?”

“I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I didn’t want to see you.”

“If the last seven months are any indication, you can hardly blame me for believing anything that comes out of your mouth, implied or otherwise.” Aaron knew his tone was harsh, and he almost felt guilty for it. Almost.

“I deserve that,” he said as he stepped away from Aaron. He lowered himself into one of the old creaky metal chairs, his body still recovering from the pneumonia that had kept him chained to the bed in the infirmary for the last two weeks.

Aaron was half tempted to whirl on him, let everything out, all his anger, frustration, and grief. But he can’t find it in him to do that, not when Robert looks so vulnerable.

Aaron’s eyebrows lifted, emphasizing the ruthless lines of his face. “You were the one that asked for a divorce and now all of a sudden you’ve called it off and I get called down here. After  _ seven  _ months you do a complete one-eighty and call it off. You ask to see me and I come running. What kind of fool does that make me?”

“Can you at least hear me out?”

“That’s part of why I’m here, isn’t it? And I don’t want to hear the bull shit line that I know is going to come out of your mouth. I know you better than anyone. I didn’t even get to hear it from you. I got to learn my husband was abandoning me from his legal representative. Who the fuck does that? A coward, that’s who! I know what you’re going to say so save it. And I’m not letting you get away with that so easily. You don’t get to walk away from us like you did without letting me speak my peace.”

“You’re doing a pretty good job so far.”

“Can you just shut up and let me finish?”

Robert just nodded and gestured to the other chair.

Aaron ignored him and continued to pace the small space. “You had no right to make a decision about our marriage without talking to me about it first. You gave me no say in our marriage ending. You did it your way as you always do, without any thought at all about how I felt about it or what I wanted.”

“You’re the only person I thought about!”

“You didn’t think about anybody else but yourself,” Aaron accused, his anger boiling over. How many times had he imagined what he’d say to Robert if they ever came face to face again? If he was honest, he didn’t think he’d ever have the chance, or the nerve to be this brutally honest. But the words spewed out like lava; these emotions had been bubbling inside of him for so long he had been so close to erupting that now he couldn’t stop. “You did what you thought was best for you, consequences be damned. You took the easy way out. You didn’t care about me at all.”

“Stop it. Just please stop for a minute and let me say something.”

Aaron turned and looked at him, his glare icy, it matched his voice. “Fine, talk.”

“I did what I thought was best at the time, and yes it wasn’t exactly the best decision I ever made. But don’t you dare stand there and tell me I took the easy way out. This was the farthest thing from the easy way out. Letting you go was the hardest thing I ever did. It had nothing to do with me being selfish, which I know is shocking, but believe it or not, I did it because I thought it was what I had to do so you could move on with your life. I didn’t want you to have to stay in a marriage that was doomed to fail because of my mistakes.”

“Our marriage wasn’t going to fail just because you were locked up. Our marriage only failed because you let it!”

“I know that now. Look, we can keep going around in circles about this, but I only have so much time to talk to you and I don’t want to waste it arguing with you. You may never forgive me and I’ll just have to try and live with that. I wanted you here so I could look you in the eyes and tell you that I’m sorry and that I love you. Two things that I know are way overdue.”

“You can say that again,” Aaron muttered under his breath.

“Everything I did I did because I love you. I know you don’t believe that but it’s true.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t believe you. You forget that I know you better then you know yourself.”

“Then you already know I’m telling you the truth.”

“That doesn’t make what you did hurt any less.”

“I know and I’m sorry. You know me so you know I mean that too.” Robert got up and approached Aaron. Time was fading fast and he knew he didn’t have much time. He clutched at Aaron’s jacket. The pain came in waves, the past hurled him back into the outstretched arms of grief. “I know I hurt you, and it kills every day. There are so many things I wish I had done differently, but nothing, nothing more than walking away from you.”

Brick by brick, the rest of Aaron’s walls came tumbling down. He pressed his forehead against Robert’s, felt the pain in his chest cease with just one touch. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you more. You have no idea.” Robert tried to hide his grief, but overcome by the wave of emotions, he broke down entirely, all of his defenses washed away. “I love you so much. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

One moment they were apart and the next they are morphed into a single being. The warmth of Robert’s body against his, Robert’s hand clasped around Aaron’s lower back as the other stroked his hair and Aaron realized all of his anger faded away.

The mask he’d worn broke free and Aaron brushed his lips lightly against Robert’s. It was sweet, gentle, and full of longing.

“Seven months,” Aaron whispered. “I can’t believe I had to go seven months without being able to do that.”

As they pulled apart, Robert let out a shaky, shallow breath. “I’ve dreamed about this moment every day. It doesn’t come close to the real thing.”

Aaron’s eyes were full of passion. “We probably shouldn’t have done that. Here, I mean. It’s got to be against some rule.” He knew they were probably being watched, but he wasn’t sure he even cared. The risk was worth it to feel Robert’s lips on his again.

Robert wanted to speak but nothing came out. He folded himself into Aaron’s arms again. It was the only place that felt like home. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, you idiot.”

Robert smiled, relief fanning his face. He deserved to be called much worse. “I know I’ve been an idiot.”

“Not going to argue with you about that.” Aaron’s smile was somewhere between grief and joy. Seconds passed as Aaron struggled to comprehend that he wasn’t living in a dream, that Robert was real, and standing in front of him. And they’d just kissed. And it was still as intoxicating as it had always been.

_ I knew that I'd be sorry, I knew there’d come a day when _ _ I wish I never turned around, and walked away. I knew that I’d regret it, somewhere down the line. I knew that breaking your heart would end up breaking mine _

“I’m sorry I made you suffer so much.”

“You suffered too.” It wasn’t a question, Aaron realized. He already knew, he could see the pain all over Robert’s face. “You don’t have to pretend with me. And I’ll be honest with you. I wasn’t fine. And maybe to Vic and everyone else, I’m fine now because that’s what it looks like, on the outside. I stay busy with the scrap yard and even started a new business, but that’s just been to keep me occupied so I don’t have to go home to an empty home because all that does it remind me how empty I feel without you there, how much I miss you. I got tired of being mad and angry all the time because I knew nothing was going to change what happened. I lost you and there was nothing I could do or say that was going to change that. I feel boxed in all the time, there’s always someone in my face asking me if I’m okay. I got so tired of it I decided just to pretend I was perfectly fine so they would leave me alone. There was only one thing that was going to make me feel better, and that was you.”

“I didn’t just break your heart I broke mine too. I feel like the walls have been closing around me for a while now. I spent months trying to run and hide, almost convinced myself that I could spend the rest of my life in here because it’s what I deserved. But eventually, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and fight for something. Just sitting here every day with nothing but loneliness for company gives you a lot of time to think about what’s important and what’s not worth losing. And that all leads back to you, so here I am standing in front of you asking you if there’s any chance for us.”

“You know how else I knew that you were lying? You kept asking Vic about me. You wouldn’t write to me but you sent her letters and she told me you kept asking how I was. I know you told her you were afraid I would start self-arming again. Taking a blade to my skin would have been easier compared to the pain of losing you.” He had drowned himself in alcohol instead of those lonely nights, desperately wanting to forget anything and everything that reminded him of this man and everything they had lost, while still clinging to a tiny ray of hope that someday maybe things would be different.

“I wrote you so many times, but I never found the courage to send them.” He thought about the huge stack of letters he’d written to Aaron in his cell. “I still have them, if you want to read them.”

“I’d like to, yeah.” 

“I wouldn’t be here right now if I didn’t still love you, if I didn’t think we could get past all of this.”

Robert choked back tears. “I love you. I can’t do this on my own. I need you.”

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that?” Aaron pulled Robert into an embrace and closed his eyes, felt the tears before they cascaded down his cheeks. “We have a lot of things to figure out, but you need to promise me that you’re done trying to face things on your own or this is never going to work. Stop deciding things without talking to me. From now on we stop keeping things from each other.”

“I promise you I'm done with all of that. I just want you back. You're the only thing that matters. I'm going to show you.”

“So does anyone else know about your parole hearing?”

“No, I haven’t told anyone except my lawyer, obviously….and you. I don’t really want to tell anyone until after the hearing. I don’t want to get Vic or Diane’s hopes up if I get denied. It’s the last thing they need.”

“But you’re telling me.”

“You’re my husband. It’s different. And I wasn’t sure that you would even care. We were in the middle of a divorce. And the way I’ve treated you, I knew it was my only chance to try and make things right between us.”

“I think for now it’s a good idea we don’t tell anyone I was here.” Aaron squeezed his hand. “Not because I’m ashamed of you or anything, I just think with everything that’s happened that it’s important for us to reconnect and figure out where we go from here before we tell anyone.”

“So you want to keep us a secret.”

“It’s not like we’re having an affair.” Aaron laughed for the first time in days. “Though pretending we are is a little exciting if I’m honest.”

“I get what you’re saying. I’ll go along with however you want to do this.” Robert stepped closer to him. “As long as I get you.” The door opened and Robert sighed. Their time was up. “We’ll get through this, okay?”

Aaron glanced back the uniformed officer who would take Robert back to his cell. He tried to hide his disappointment. “Yeah, we will. Keep in touch, yeah? I expect to hear from you. None of this no contact bull shit you tried to pull off before.”

Robert felt the guilt cut into his skin, deep. “I promise, I’m not going anywhere this time. And in a few weeks hopefully, we won’t be confined to just phone calls and short visits.”

“You’re going to come home to me, and we’re going to move on. I want to make this work. I still want you.”

“I love you. I never stopped.” Robert grabbed Aaron’s hand. “I’ll see you soon.” Then he was gone and Aaron was alone.

Aaron felt the doubt, heartache and the tears fade away, and replaced with love, contentment, and faith.

Robert's cell was nothing but an unforgiving place with a creaky bed isolating him from the world outside. A small window, a perfect square with evenly spaced bars, offered only a small glimpse of the outside world.

As he stretched out on the hard mattress, Robert smiled, his mind filled with snapshots of the life he had thought he had lost which was back within reach.

He hadn’t lost everything after all.


	3. Chapter 3

A week ago he had finally been ready to close this chapter of his life, put it behind him and move on.

But there was no moving on from Robert. Not now, not ever.

Aaron found himself staring at the clock, impatiently waiting for Robert to walk through the door. The small room was stuffy, and the blue couch was uncomfortable and lumpy.

Robert’s counselor, Heather, introduced herself and shook his hand before sitting in a beige winged back chair across from him. “Robert tells me you came to see him last week.”

Aaron suddenly felt nervous and rubbed clammy hands on his jeans. “Yeah. At first, it was awkward, you know seeing each other after so long, but I think it was good for both of us.”

Heather jotted down a few notes on her legal pad as she considered him. “He wasn’t sure you would see him. He's been reluctant about opening up about his life back home. It was obvious there was someone he spent a lot of time thinking about, but he never mentioned you by name until he got sick.”

“No one even told me he had been transferred here. I had to find out through my lawyer when he stalled the divorce.”

“Did you want the divorce?”

“No. Robert was the one who initiated it. I didn't even get a chance to talk to him about it. That's what upset me the most even though deep down I knew that the only reason he was doing it was because he thought I was better off without him. He tends to make decisions without thinking them through.”

After their first few sessions, Heather had come to a few inescapable conclusions about Robert.

He was not a cold-hearted killer.

He loved and missed his family.

His heart still belonged to the man now sitting across from her.

“He loves you,” she said. “Everything he’s shared with me about his private life begins and ends with you. Aaron this, Aaron that. It made me scratch my head when he said you were in the middle of a divorce.”

“I suppose I have you to thank for getting him to finally see sense.”

“I told him he was being stupid. The way he talked about you I knew he never wanted to end his marriage. There was too much love in the way he talked about you. I just tried to push him a little to try and get him to open up. And when he did, the flood gates opened, and he could not stop. He left our last session determined to make things right. And now you’re here and that tells me you want to save your marriage.”

“Of course I do. I love him.”

“I love you too.” Robert had just entered the office when he overheard the tail end of Aaron's declaration of love. Robert sat beside Aaron, close enough for their legs to touch. He wanted to be as close as he could get. “Sorry, I’m late.” Because he could, he placed his hand on Aaron’s knee. “Missed you.”

Robert looked better, Aaron thought. He didn’t look as frail as he had last week when he’d first laid eyes on him after seven long months of separation.

Aaron's smile slowly reached his eyes. “Missed you too.”

“Now that you’re both here, why don’t we start by talking about the hearing coming up next week. How are you feeling about it?” Heather asked Robert.

“My lawyer seems pretty adamant that I’ll be released, so I’m trying to stay positive, but I won’t lie, I’m scared that they'll just send me back and deny parole and I’ll spend the rest of my sentence in here. And now,” he sighed looking over at Aaron, “I just want to get out of here and get my life back.”

“I was telling Aaron a little bit about our last session. You talked a lot about the life you left behind. If you get released, how are you going to deal with the obstacles you face when you go back there?”

Robert hesitated. “I’m worried about Aaron’s family for obvious reasons. It took them a long time to accept us together, and I guarantee you they hate me for the way I just cut Aaron out of my life after I got sentenced. Hell, I'm not exactly happy with myself either. I regret the way I handled everything, and I wouldn't blame them for hating me. I just have to find a way to make things right with them, prove to them that I'm not going to hurt him again.”

“We’ll deal with them together,” Aaron said. “If they can’t accept that we’re back together, that’s their problem.”

“A big part of your success living a life outside of here will be having the support of your partner,” Heather said to Robert. “It doesn’t appear to me that you’re going to have any problems in that area. As I’ve told you before, it will be a big adjustment. You’ll need to surround yourself with positive reinforcements, people that will be there to help you. It’s not going to be easy at first and it’s perfectly normal to have feelings of anger and frustration. That’s why having support is so important.”

“I have the best support.” Robert squeezed Aaron’s hand. “Someone that’s never given up on me even when I pushed him to the limit.”

“Good, you’re ahead of the curve then. I would suggest keeping up with counseling sessions after you get out, by yourself or the two of you together. It would be beneficial.”

Robert nodded. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

“The important thing right now is just to stay positive and keep the lines of communication open. I have seen far too many couples break up because the separation is too painful, and they just end up resenting each other.”

“Even if he doesn’t get out, I’m not going anywhere. I meant every word of my vows. For better for worse, he’s stuck with me.”

“I’m sorry,” Robert said. “For everything I said that hurt you, for everything I did that made you think I stopped loving you. I’ve regretted it every single day. I promise you I’m going to make this all up to you when I get out of here.”

“The only thing I want from you is you. When you get out of here, we’re going to go back home and we’re going to start over. We’re going to make up for all of the time we lost and we’re going to forget this ever happened.”

He wanted nothing more than to forget he had ever been stupid enough to think letting Aaron go was something he could survive. He had coped with life on the inside, had even accepted his fate for the damage he’d caused, but now he had been given a glimpse into the past life he so desperately wanted back that he thought he had lost the right to months ago.

Just when he thought everything they had had been destroyed, at his hands, fate was giving him another chance.

This time he wouldn’t let anything get in the way.

As they wrapped up their session, Heather made some final notes. “We’ll book a follow-up appointment for the day after your hearing. Hopefully, we’ll have something to celebrate. I’ll just step outside, give you a few moments to say goodbye.”

Aaron reached for his jacket, but Robert stopped him. “Before you go..” Robert buried his head in the crook of Aaron’s neck and felt the beat of his heart under his hands. “I love you so much.” A life beyond these walls was within reach and right now at this moment, Robert knew he would do anything to make it happen.

“I love you too. We’re going to get through this, you know that right?”

Robert nodded and grabbed Aaron’s face in his hands and kissed him with every ounce of pent up emotion he’d kept buried inside for months. He never thought he would have this again, he knew he didn’t deserve it. But he held on tight, afraid the moment would slip through his fingers.

Aaron clung to him, deepened the kiss. He had been stumbling through life ever since Robert walked away, but now, in this moment, he knew Robert had never really been gone. He’d always been there, locked away in the far corners of his heart where no one could see.

“I’ll call you tonight,” Robert said.

Aaron nodded, grabbed his jacket. “I have to get back. Supposed to be meeting my mum and she’s already blowing up my phone wondering where the hell I am.”

“What are you going to tell her?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll come up with something on the drive back.”

“Still not ready to tell her about us?”

Aaron felt bad for lying to her, but more for the hurt in Robert's eyes. "I'm sorry, I’m just not ready to tell her yet. I just want to concentrate on us. If I tell her she’s just going to voice her opinion and neither of us needs that right now.”

“You don’t think she’ll like it.”

“I know she won’t, but she’ll come around, just like before. She knows how I feel about you. I don’t think she’ll be surprised, I think it will just take some time for her to get used to it.”

He could accept it for now because all that mattered was that Aaron was his again, but as Robert walked back to his cell, he couldn’t help but worry that even their love wouldn’t be enough to get them through all the obstacles they were facing.

* * *

“He’s not here.”

“What do you mean  _ he’s not here _ ?”

“Just what I said. He’s not here,” Blake repeated. He went back to looking at the business projections he’d been reviewing before he had been interrupted.

“I need a little more than that,” Chas said, making herself at home behind Aaron’s desk, which was cluttered with paper and an empty black coffee mug. A picture of Robert and Seb encased in a dark blue frame was hidden behind a stack of paperwork. She had never noticed it there before. “Where did he go?”

“I don’t know. He wasn’t here when I came in this morning. Just a brief text from him a few hours ago that he would be late. You’d have to ask him.”

Chas looked down at her phone. Aaron still hadn’t responded to her last message or the one before that for that matter, which sent her into full-fledged panic mode. “It’s not unusual for Aaron to not return messages, but he’s been acting strange the past couple of days.”

“You’d have to take that up with him. He seems fine to me.” Aside from his snarky attitude, Blake thought. Blake purposely left out that Aaron was doing his best to avoid him. He hadn’t meant to interfere with his romantic life, if you could call it that. The few months he had known Aaron he couldn’t recall one time when he saw Aaron go out on a proper date, let alone have any romantic interest in anyone.

He knew why, and who was responsible for that, but he had learned early on that Robert was not a subject to be brought up as long as Aaron was within earshot.

Things had been awkward between them since he’d tried – and failed – at setting Aaron up with Evan. Blake had heard the whole story from Evan over a pint the night after the disastrous set up that had gone sideways after he’d left.

Blake decided not to mention to Chas that Aaron had gotten a call from his lawyer. He had tried to bring it up with Aaron, but Aaron had managed to maneuver his way around discussing it.

The air smelled of rain and late afternoon sun squeezed through the clouds, slanting onto the gravel as Aaron stepped out of his car.

He had practiced what he would say, how he would act, so no one grew suspicious of his whereabouts.

“You’re late,” Chas said as she stepped out of the cabin and approached him.

Lies flowed off his tongue effortlessly these days.  _ I’m fine. I don’t miss him. I’m moving on with my life. I’m happy. _

“Had a few things to take care of.”

“You haven’t returned any of my messages. I was worried about you.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. Things have just been a bit hectic.”

“She just about tore my head off.” Blake emerged from the cabin, a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hands. “Next time maybe tell me where you’re going so I can give an intelligent answer when people ask me where you are.”

“I didn’t know people were trying to keep tabs on me,” Aaron muttered.

“You weren’t responding to my texts so I came to check on you. You haven’t stopped by the pub for a while and Vic says you haven’t been by to visit her and Harry either. Is something going on with you?”

“I was planning to stop by and see them later.” He purposely skirted around her question. There would be a time and a place for that conversation, but it wasn’t today and it wasn’t going to be here.

“After you have a visit you could come to the pub. Have a drink, unwind a bit. Eve would love to see her big brother.”

“So now you’re using my little sister to get me to do what you want.”

“I’m just worried about you and I would like to see my son. I almost forgot what you looked like it’s been so long.” She pinched his cheeks, which only made him grimace.

“Seriously, mum. I’m not a child.”

Chas just smiled and grabbed her keys out of her bag. “I’ll expect you at eight.”

“Fine,” he muttered.

She opened her car door, turned back to look at him. “We need to talk about that picture on your desk.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The picture of Robert and Seb. It’s carefully hidden, I’ll give you that. It makes me wonder, how long has it been there and why do you still have it when you and Robert are about to be officially divorced.”

No, now definitely wasn't the time to mention they were back together. It wouldn't go over well.

“We’re not talking about this now,” Aaron said defensively. “And it’s none of your business if I have a picture of Robert and our son on my desk.”

“We’ll talk about this later,” she repeated, then she was gone.

“I’m going to take a shot in the dark here and please don’t kill me for saying this but I don’t think you’re as over Robert as you say you are,” Blake said from behind him.

Aaron whirled around, fuming. “We’re getting divorced, aren’t we? How much more over him can I get?”

He hated the lying, especially about Robert, when all he wanted to do was shout it loud that they were back together and that they were only days away from having the chance to start rebuilding their life together.

Nobody was going to ruin that.

He spent the rest of the afternoon beating the hell out of scrap metal, and damn it if it didn't make him feel better.


	4. Chapter 4

The last thing Chas expected to hear was that Robert was about to be released from prison.

She stopped at the table where Vic and Diane were sitting, not realizing that their conversation had been overheard.

“Robert is out of prison? Since when?” Chas pulled up a chair and joined them.

“He’s getting out in a few days,” Diane said hesitantly. Robert hadn’t wanted anyone to know, he had been reluctant to even tell her.

Stunned, Chas let the news sink in. “I don’t understand. He hasn’t even served a year of his sentence.”

“He was granted early parole after the judge reduced the charges from murder to manslaughter,” Vic told her. “I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it.”

“Why would I have heard anything about it? Robert cut off all contact with Aaron months ago. And it’s not like he’s calling me up wanting to chat. And considering Aaron hasn’t spoken to him for months I doubt he knows anything about it either.”

“Are you so sure about that?” Vic asked. She had a suspicion, based on her last conversation with Robert, that Robert had been having serious doubts for a while where Aaron was concerned. Especially now that he was being released and would be coming back to Emmerdale to stay with her until he got back on his feet, they were bound to run into each other.

“There’s no way he would know about it unless one of you told him. Robert decided a long time ago that Aaron wasn’t going to hear from him again. He made that pretty clear. And they’re divorced now.”

“I don’t think they are, officially,” Diane said.

“Soon enough,” Chas said under her breath.

“Aaron will find out soon enough. Then I suppose it is up to him what he wants to do about it,” Vic said.

“There’s nothing for him to do about it. After what he did to my son if he shows his face back here…”

“He’s moving in with me Chas,” Vic said.

“You’re letting him move in with you,” Chas said. “Are you daft?”

Diane stared into her glass of wine as she sensed animosity and anger simmering between Vic and Chas.

“He’s my brother,” Vic snapped. “And he is welcome to stay as long as he wants. And there is nothing you can do to keep the two of them from seeing each other if that is what they want, if it hasn’t happened already.”

“What are you talking about?”

Vic shrugged. “I have no proof, but I have a sneaking suspicion that they’ve been in contact with each other for a while.”

Though it explained Aaron’s strange behavior in the last few weeks, Chas disregarded the notion. “Aaron has come to terms with the divorce, he’s accepted it. He won’t let Robert back in, no matter how hard Robert tries to sweet-talk him.”

“You think he would be honest with you if they were speaking again? I mean, you haven’t exactly had the nicest things to say about my brother since he went inside.”

“He broke Aaron’s heart, just left him. I can’t forgive that.”

“What if Aaron can? Are you still going to treat my brother like he’s the scum of the earth if Aaron can forgive him? There’s nothing you can do if they want to be together.”

Chas was adamant. “Aaron is over him. He’s moved on.”

Vic highly doubted that. She’d seen it for herself. And from all accounts, Robert wasn’t over him either.

“You think it has happened already, don’t you?” Diane said, looking at Vic.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. Robert hasn’t told me anything, he’s pretty close-lipped about everything right now. Can you really blame him? He’s spent months inside, and he seems pretty torn up about whatever happened in there. My only concern right now is making sure he is okay and help him try to adjust to his old life. And if he wants that to include Aaron, I’m not going to stand in his way, and I hope you don’t either.” Vic looked at Chas. “Please, just give Robert time to adjust before you go mouthing him off or saying anything that will upset him. I know he hurt Aaron and we all saw the aftershocks of that, but it hurt Robert, too.”

“We need to let them figure this out on their own, yeah?” Diane said. “We have to at least let them try.”

“This wasn’t the first time he left my son,” Chas reminded them. “I’m sorry, I know he’s your brother and your stepson, but I can’t forgive him this time. I gave him a second chance before and look what happened.”

“If they still love each other, and I’m pretty sure they still do, you won’t be able to keep them apart if it’s what they both want,” Vic said, just as Aaron walked through the front door of the pub.

Chas took one look at the bag he was carrying. “Where are you off to?”

“Business trip. I’ll just be gone for a few days. Scrap contact up near Leeds,” he said. He could feel the tension in the room and didn’t want to add to it. “What’s up with the three of you?”

“Just a little disagreement about tonight’s menu.” The lie slid off Chas’ tongue before she could stop it. “It’s sorted now.”

“Okay then. Well, I’ll have my phone on me if anything comes up.”

“Have a good time pet,” Diane said.

“I’ll walk you out. I’m heading out anyway.” Vic stood up and followed him outside.

“I overheard what you guys were talking about,” Aaron said to her once they were away from prying eyes. “About Robert.” Aaron opened the trunk, tossed his bag inside before shutting it.

“You knew he was getting out. It’s written all over your face,” Vic said when he raised an eyebrow.

“Is it that obvious?” Aaron leaned against the car, Robert’s car.

“You can’t fool me, neither can Robert. You’ve been in touch with him.”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” Vic promised. “This trip, it’s not business-related is it? You’re going to the prison to see him.”

Aaron just nodded. She didn't need to know everything. “I’ve been up there a few times. We got back together a few weeks ago. You don’t look surprised.”

“No. Robert’s not exactly great at being able to hide things from me. And all these trips you’ve been taking lately, I put two and two together.”

“You can’t say anything to my mum. I can already tell she’s not going to be happy about it when we tell her.”

“If it counts for anything, I’m happy you’re back together.”

Aaron smiled. “Thanks, I am too. But look I have to get going. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

Vic hugged him. “Tell him I love him and I’ll see him in a few days.”

“I will.” Aaron got behind the wheel and drove out of the village.

An hour later, he met Robert outside of the prison gates, who ran into his arms.

"I'm free." Robert's voice was muffled as he buried his head against Aaron's shoulder. "Let's get out of here."

* * *

Nestled amongst beautiful coastal scenery, Jaynewood Cottage was a charming stone cottage just steps away from the rocky, sandy beach with views of the water from every window, tucked away in a bustling, picturesque seaside village an hour outside of the village.

The one-bedroom bungalow had been beautifully renovated and restored with oak floors washed in a weathered gray and exposed stonework and beams. It was breezy and uncluttered with a coastal vibe bathed in soft shades of blue and white. A coastal path was on the doorstep where the water kissed the shoreline.

The living room was bright and spacious, with pale blue walls serving as a backdrop for the beach-inspired art that hung on the walls and the deep blue of the sofa. Floor to ceiling windows offered stunning views of the sea below and the cove to the west. Tropical flowers bloomed from turquoise vases on the stone fireplace.

The bedroom had a solid oak king-sized bed and a built-in window seat. The walls were painted a pale blue with a vibrant splash of coral. With the windows swung open, a cool coastal breeze whisked through and you could hear the lull of the waves. Wall-mounted lamps flanked beach inspired coastal prints.

French doors led out to a private, furnished balcony that overlooked the water and surrounding coastline. The perfect spot to drink morning coffee while you watched the sunrise or enjoy a glass of wine as the sun goes down.

The adjoining bathroom had a large walk-in shower, a small floating vanity in dark wood fitted with flat panel doors and a wall of built-in bookshelves that hosted an array of coastal decor, along with towels and toiletries.

The kitchen had marble counters and open shelves that displayed colorful bowls and plates. Teardrop pendants in clear blue glass hung from the ceiling over the breakfast bar. A bottle of wine was already chilling in the fridge, a gift from the elderly couple who owned the property.

They didn’t just want you to feel welcome; they wanted you to feel at home.

They left their bags on the bed and stepped down onto the rocky path that led to the beach and walked barefoot on the warm sand.

Looking out over the water, Robert instantly felt a sense of peace. He breathed in the salty air, felt the breeze against the back of his neck.

This, he thought, was the perfect place to reflect and start to find his footing again.

Now careful and cautious, deliberate, and aware, he had left the reckless and hotheaded man he had been in the past where he belonged.

That man had made too many mistakes, given up everything he loved, sacrificed his own happiness for revenge. And where had that left him? Alone and facing the prospect of spending the rest of his life in prison. He spent so much time mourning the future that had slipped through his fingers. His fate had been sealed, his world shattered. The shame, the remorse, the grief, had all takes its toll. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, let that happen again.

Why hadn’t they come here before? Robert wondered. Why had they never taken a break from their busy lives to just let go of all the chaos and enjoy the serenity in a place like this?

Here, time didn’t move hour to hour but mood to moment. Here he could pretend, just for a minute, that he hadn’t screwed everything up, that he hadn’t broken the heart of the man walking beside him.

The ocean stirred something inside of him, a calmness he hadn't felt for a long time. The ocean could cure anything, he thought. The sound of the waves washed away all the worries that weighed heavily on his mind.

The sea, the sand, the sun, the salty breeze, he breathed them all in.

He looked over at Aaron and memorized his face, afraid that if he blinked, he would be transported back to that dark place, his own personal prison, and he would be alone again.

Reality hadn’t really sunk in yet, and he knew it wouldn’t be easy, but they would get through it. Together.

“What?” Aaron asked when he realized he was being watched.

Robert just smiled. “Nothing. I just missed looking at you.”

“There wasn’t a lot for you to miss.”

“Says you. I beg to differ.” Robert grabbed his hand and before Aaron could react, Robert’s mouth sought his.

He had tried so hard to fill the void that Robert’s absence had left, Aaron thought as he got lost in the kiss. But it had been impossible.

But now they were here together in this moment and nothing else mattered. He pulled Robert closer, desperate to just feel him, to know for sure this wasn’t a dream.

“Let’s go back,” Aaron said.

* * *

Aaron grabbed the chilled bottle of wine from the kitchen and grabbed two glasses before joining Robert on the balcony.

With a mile-long stretch of beach in view, they sipped wine and watched the sun, bold, brilliant, and rich in color, go down.

“I couldn’t imagine being anywhere more perfect,” Robert said as he leaned back in the lounger and closed his eyes.

“Me either.” Aaron poured wine, handed a glass to Robert, and sat back to enjoy the view.

“Why didn’t we do this more? Just leave the village and everything else behind for a few days of relaxation. It doesn’t feel like we ever did that enough.”

“We never did it because our life was always crazy. There was always someone or something getting in the way. Life has a way of doing that, I suppose.”

“Then we should start of making a point of doing this, getting away, if only for a day or two.”

“First we have to deal with the reality of what’s going on back home,” Aaron said, and expelled a breath. “My mum knows you’re out. Well, she knows you’re getting out in a few days, just like you told Vic and Diane. She overheard them talking at the pub earlier.”

Robert opened one eye and looked at Aaron. “What did you say to her?”

Aaron shrugged. “I just pretended like I didn’t care. I didn’t want her spoiling our trip. If I told her, I never would have gotten out of there.”

“Are you having second thoughts?” Eventually, everyone would know, it was inevitable. He wasn’t sure he was ready to face everyone, especially Aaron’s family, who he knew weren’t going to be too pleased when they found out they were back together.

“No, of course not. You know how I feel about you. I wouldn’t be here with you now if I was having second thoughts. I’m just worried about how she’ll react when I do finally tell her.”

“Okay.”

“Vic knows we’re back together. And my mum well, she has her own opinions on the matter. Of course, she’s pretty adamant I’m over you’.”

“If she only knew,” Robert murmured.

“I guess I’ve done a pretty good job at pretending that I am,” Aaron murmured. It had been like a shield, he thought. It had been easier to make himself and everyone else believe that he had stopped thinking about Robert that way, that he had forgotten everything they’d meant to each other.

“But Vic and Diane obviously didn’t buy your act.”

“I’ve been acting strange and all the visits to the prison haven’t gone unnoticed. I explained them away but not good enough apparently. Maybe that’s a good thing given what we’re about to tell them.”

“You know your family isn’t going to accept us, but you’re willing to stay with me in spite of that.”

“I don’t care what they think. Neither of us is perfect, Robert. We’ve both made mistakes along the way. Now is our chance to make things right and just move forward with our lives. Together. If I’ve learned anything this past year it’s that things don’t always turn out the way we planned or the way we think they should. And I’ve learned that there are things that go wrong that don’t always get fixed or put back together they way they were before and some broken things stay broken, but we’re not broken, Robert. We’re slowly rebuilding what we thought was. You and me, we were never meant to end. If there is anything I believe, it’s that maybe we were meant to lose each other for a while to make us realize that we belong together, that nothing else compares.”

“That’s a good way to look at I suppose. I’m just worried about stepping back into the village and everyone staring at me, judging me.” The onslaught of questions, the looks he knew they would get, they would find a way to deal with it all.

“I’m going to be right there beside you. There’s nothing for you to be scared of.”

No one understood him like Aaron did, Robert thought. No one.

Aaron topped up their wine and stood up. “Let’s go inside.”

The minute Aaron shut the French doors behind them, Robert was on him, grabbing his shirt as they fell to the bed. First went their shirts, then their pants, landing in an unorganized heap on the floor. The heat between them intensified with the first feel of skin against skin.

“The minute you touch me, I want you. It’s something I’ve never been able to control,” Robert whispered into his ear as he slide his hands along Aaron’s skin.

Aaron’s mouth sought Robert’s, eagerly for that dreamy mating of tongues.

Robert’s skin hummed under Aaron’s hands, long gliding strokes shifted to rough and possessive as their mouths fused together.

Sighs deepened into moans as Robert matched him beat for beat, flame to flame. Robert rolled them over, his hands as quick as fast, to drive him as Aaron was driving him.

Sensations battered Aaron like an avalanche, blurring his vision.

“Do you have any idea how much I missed this, being with you like this?” Robert said as they laid together in the dark, fingers intertwined, as moonlight seeped through the windows.

Aaron sighed. He was happy for the first time in a long time. “I love you.”

Robert held him closer as they drifted to sleep. “I love you too.”


	5. Chapter 5

As the sun streamed through the open windows, Robert untangled himself from Aaron and stumbled to the bathroom.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror. His hair was disarrayed, his eyes were still lustrous. He put his finger on the red mark where Aaron had attacked his throat with his teeth over, and over again.

The constant worry that their first time after so long would be awkward was squashed the minute he had felt the heat the minute Aaron had captured his mouth with his own. There was no denying it; the passion was as sudden and intense as it had always been.

His cheeks flushed at the memory of how they had fallen to the bed as their lips collided.

When they had finally fallen asleep, exhausted, it was past three a.m.

He pulled a shirt over his head and buttoned up his jeans, trying to think about something that wouldn’t set his body on fire again. As much as he would love to crawl back into bed and devour Aaron again, they needed to get checked out and get on the road.

Time to face reality, and Vic and Diane were expecting him.

He heard Aaron’s voice dimly through the partially closed door. “Go on,” Aaron prompted. “What do you mean she’s in the hospital? Is she alright? Okay yeah, I will be there as soon as I can. Yeah, lecture me another time about not answering your thousands of messages, yeah? And it’s none of your business where I was. And stop bringing my sex life into this conversation.” Robert could see him rolling his eyes and couldn’t stop the smirk.

Robert ran a hand through his damp hair as he walked back into the bedroom. “What was that all about?”

“That was Paddy,” Aaron muttered. “My mum and Eve were in an accident last night. Eve is fine, but my mum banged her head and she is in the hospital. Paddy says her mental state is in shambles right now and he wants me there right away.”

“He was asking you about your sex life while telling you about Chas being in the hospital?”

“He’s intrusive,” Aaron muttered. “It’s gotten around that you’re getting out of prison today. Paddy thinks I went off and had a one-night stand to try and prepare myself for seeing your ugly mug again.” He rolled his eyes again.

“I don’t have an ugly mug,” Robert said defensively.

“Your mug is rather sexy,” Aaron agreed.

“But your mum, is she going to be alright? If she’s in the hospital maybe we should hold off telling her anything.”

“I think that’s a good idea. You don’t mind?”

“I’m not totally heartless, Aaron. The last thing she needs is being bombarded with our news. I know it’s going to take her some time to get used to us. Vic told me she hasn’t had the nicest things to say about me, and I don’t blame her for feeling that way.”

“If you’re sure you’re okay with this, maybe I should just go to the hospital on my own. See how she is.”

“It’s fine, Aaron. I should go see Vic and Diane anyway. I have a nephew to meet. Just text me and let me know how she is?”

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Far from it, actually.” Robert already knew Aaron’s family weren’t going to be pleased, and there would be questions, accusations, and even blame cast at him. He would deal with it, but right now Aaron needed to be with his family. He could wait.

“Well, I think you are.” Aaron put the rest of his clothes into his suitcase, zipped it up before he pulled Robert into a hug. “This was good though, wasn’t it? Getting away for a few days.”

“Yeah, we needed it,” Robert agreed as he grabbed his jacket off the bed, pocketed the keys from the bedside table. “I’m driving.”

* * *

“She only took her eyes off the road for a second.” When Aaron arrived at the hospital, Paddy met him outside of Chas’ room. “She was rounding a corner and hit a telephone pole. The doctor said she’ll be fine, but she’s experiencing some temporary memory loss and her emotions are all over the place. The doctor has called someone to see her, you know to help with the emotional trauma. She lost in on one of the nurses. They just want to take precautions.”

“But she’s okay? Physically I mean,” Aaron said.

“Whiplash and a few bruises, but they’ll heal,” Paddy assured him. “She’ll be glad to know you’re here.”

“It was important,” Aaron said, anticipating the next onslaught of questions.

“Are you sure it wasn’t just you being pissed off about Robert being released?”

“Do you want the truth? I was with him.”

“What do you mean you were with him?”

Aaron stared at the cold, hard floor before meeting Paddy’s eyes again. “I didn’t want to say anything until we knew for sure it would happen, but I’ve known for weeks that there was a possibility he was going to be released early.”

“He cut off all contact with you, so did Vic tell you? Diane?”

“No. He did. Two weeks ago, when I went to see him at the prison.”

“You saw him? Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I think you know the answer to that, Paddy,” Aaron said. “No one likes to talk about him anymore, afraid that I’m going to break down and lose it. And maybe that happened before, but things are different now.”

“So that’s it then? He calls and you come running.”

“I guess you could say that.” Aaron didn’t miss the harshness in Paddy’s tone. “But it’s not like I went there and just forgave him. I yelled, I got mad, I told him everything about how hard this has been for me. He understands. He hates himself for what he did. We’ve been seeing a counselor, and it’s really helped us move past everything. I love him, I never stopped, and I don’t care what you or anyone else thinks. We’re back together and it’s what we both want.”

Paddy frowned. “If it’s what you want.”

“It’s what we both want. I’m not arguing with you about this, especially right now.”

“Your mum isn’t going to like this.”

“And Robert and I have decided not to tell her until she’s back on her feet. He cares about her, you know. He knows what everyone thinks about him, but he’s still determined to make things right. Please, just give him the chance.”

“You’ve really forgiven him. For everything. Does he know how you tried to hurt yourself after he left? Hmm?”

“He just got out of prison, Paddy. He needs time to adjust. I’m not going to make him feel worse than he already does.”

“So that’s where you were while we were trying to get a hold of you. With him. Locked away somewhere in a hotel room?”

The implication was there, and Aaron wanted to resent him for it. “I’m not talking to you about my sex life. Don’t even ask because it’s none of your business.”

The glow on Aaron’s face the minute Paddy had seen him approach had been enough proof where he had been. “I’m not asking for details. Your mom is worried about you, that’s why I was asking. What are you going to tell her?”

Aaron shrugged. “I’m not sure. I don’t think now is the right time to tell her that I’m back with Robert.”

“It would just upset her,” Paddy agreed.

Aaron’s hands balled into fists. “I’m happy and nothing you say is going to change it. This has nothing to do with you. It’s my life.”

“You’ve made that very clear,” Paddy said. “We won’t interfere. We just worry about you because we love you.” Paddy saw the doctor approaching and stood up. “How is she?”

“We just finished running a few tests. She seems to be calmer now. She’s asking to see her son.”

“I’m here,” Aaron said, standing up just as his phone buzzed. It was a text message from Robert.

_ R: I just got to Vic’s. I just wanted to make sure you got to the hospital and to find out how your mum is. Call or text me when you can. Love you x _

How did he miss Robert already?

_ A: Just going in to see her now. Paddy is doing my head in and I wish you were here. I’ll call you soon x _

When Aaron walked into the room, the first thing he saw was the huge gash on his mum’s head, then the tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Aaron,” she sobbed. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner,” Aaron said, pulling her into a hug, trying to be careful and avoid the scratches and scrapes.

“You’re here now, that’s all that matters.” She managed to sit up and studied him as she did. “How was the business trip?”

Aaron ignored the look Paddy sent him. “Fine. Sorry it took so long to get back. But it’s done now and I’m here for whatever you need.”

“Doctor said I’m going to be fine. I’m just so mad at myself. I shouldn’t have looked away from the road.” She started to cry. “If anything happened to Eve, I never would be able to forgive myself.”

“Mum.” Aaron wrapped his arms around her, let her cry on his shoulder. “It was just an accident. It wasn’t your fault, please don’t blame yourself. Eve is fine, you’re fine. Just concentrate on getting better, yeah?”

“My head is so messed up,” she admitted over a sob. “I’m having these weird visions and I know the doctors are concerned. What if they try to take Eve away from me? I can’t lose her. I can’t lose you. I can’t, I just can’t.” She lost it. “I’ve been so worried about you. When I heard Robert was getting out of prison, I got so mad and I said things to Vic that I wish I didn’t. She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Aaron assured her.

“How do you know that?”

Aaron hesitated. “I know he’s out, mum. We don’t need to talk about it now,” he said, brushing the hair off her face. “You need to concentrate on getting better and getting out of here, not worrying about a little tiff with Vic. She’s got enough on her plate too with Robert being home now.”

“Have you seen him?”

“Mum…” Aaron sighed. “Let’s not get into this now.” He reached over and took her hand. “I love you, you know that. But we are not talking about Robert or Vic. You need to drop this.”

Chas nodded. “For now, but I want to apologize to her. I shouldn’t have gone off on her the way I did.”

“I’m sure she understands.”

“I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about you going back to him now that you’re divorced.”

Aaron swallowed the lump in his throat but said nothing. “Just rest, will ya? I’ll come back a little later to see how you’re doing.”

Chas was already drifting asleep by the time Aaron and Paddy walked outside.

“You almost told her,” Paddy said once they were out of earshot.

“God, I wanted to, but it's not the right time. Yesterday I felt amazing. I finally had Robert back and we were just enjoying each other, and it felt like no time had passed at all. I didn’t want to come back here and face everyone else because we both knew what some people would think, and maybe that makes me selfish, but I don’t really care. I spent the last seven months without him and the minute I saw him again I just knew it wasn’t over. And I don’t really care what you or anything else thinks. I love him and we’re together so you’re just going to have to get used to it.”

Paddy hated to admit it, but Aaron looked happy, like an immense load had been lifted off his shoulders. “You know we’ll try and support whatever decision you make, and if you choose Robert, we’ll all just have to find a way to accept it.”

“Good.” Aaron pulled out his keys. “Maybe you could come over to our new place tomorrow, talk to him yourself. Let him know you’re going to be supportive.”

“New place?”

“We bought a new house. Well, Robert bought it. For us. He thought it would be a good way for us to start over, in a new place that didn’t hold so many bad memories. You may think he doesn’t care about me, but you’d be wrong. Everything he did, and everything he’s doing now, is for me and our future. I hope you’ll give him a chance to show you that.”

“What about the Mill?”

“We’re putting it on the market. It goes up tomorrow.”

“He really bought you a house.”

“Yeah.” Aaron smiled. “He loves me. He regrets everything he did after he went to prison and is trying really hard to make it up to me. I hope you know that if it comes down to it and you don’t accept us, I’m choosing him. I’ll choose him every time.”

Paddy nodded. “I know.”

As Aaron drove out of the hospital parking lot, his phone buzzed. He was smiling as he drove to Vic’s, despite the awkward conversation with Paddy and what he knew they were facing once the truth came out. But for now, he let himself be happy just seeing Robert's name pop up on the screen.

_ R: Just letting you know that I’m thinking about you. Harry is so adorable, and I’m enjoying spending time with him but I miss your face. I just want to kiss your face off xx _


	6. Chapter 6

Robert woke to gray skies and unrelenting rain and moonlight streaming through the windows. The weather perfectly mirrored his mood.

The empty spot beside him reminded him that Aaron wasn’t here. He had stayed the night at the pub while he spent the night at Vic’s.

He loved his sister and adored Harry, but this was not where he wanted to be.

He hadn't slept. He had just laid there in Vic's cramped spare room waiting for morning to come.

Needing to clear his head, he got dressed and decided to go for a run. He wanted to text Aaron, just to say good morning or a simple  _ I miss you _ , but didn't want to risk Chas seeing it.

His movements were brisk, his mouth taut as adrenaline coursed through his veins. He kept his breathing steady as he pushed harder, faster.

He pumped his legs, gaining momentum with each push. He quickened his pace, even as his calves burned and his breath puffed white in the frigid morning air.

As he rounded a corner, he spotted Aaron outside the pub. But he wasn’t alone. He was having a conversation with another guy, and they were laughing.

Robert wondered what this guy said that made Aaron laugh like that. He tried to tamper down the urge to walk over there and stake his claim, but knew it was pointless and it would only make him look like he was jealous. 

Which he wasn't. That would be ridiculous. He had no reason to be.

He was not going to do anything stupid, he promised himself.

He would bite his tongue, pretend that it didn’t bother him, just like how he was dealing with all the looks that were being shot in his direction as he made his first public appearance in the village since he got back, and all those whispers behind his back.

_ Cool it, _ he told himself. _ Hell, who are you kidding? You’re jealous. _

Why did it bother him so much, seeing Aaron talking to and laughing with another man? Jealousy tugged at him, so he tried to concentrate on something that didn’t have him throwing imaginary darts at a man he didn’t know in his mind.

He reached for a cold bottle of water from the fridge and took a few deep breaths, waited for his breathing to go back to normal.

Vic found him chugging water as she came down the stairs after putting Harry down for a nap. “You got up early, I didn’t even hear you,” she said.

“I went for a run.”

_ I needed to get out of here, get some space before I strangled somebody _ .

Logging miles, he’d discovered, wasn’t just good for his health, but it helped keep the constant, negative thoughts at bay, just for a while.

There was a subtle difference between wanting to run and needing to. It had become vital to his survival in prison.

He looked down at his watch and smiled in satisfaction. Twenty-three minutes and three miles. Not bad.

“So you’re moving into your new place today?”

“Yeah, I have to be there for eleven. Our new furniture is being delivered.”

“Have you heard from Aaron today?”

“Just saw him outside the pub. With some guy.”

“That was probably Blake. His business partner at the scrap yard. Nobody you need to be jealous of, trust me.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Robert said, hoping it sounded more convincing out loud than it did in his own head.

“Good, because there’s nothing for you to worry about. I’ve seen him out with a few blokes, but he had no romantic interest in any of them. He went out mostly to keep Chas and Paddy off his back, I think. Yesterday was the first time I saw him with a real, authentic smile on his face since you went away. You put it there. You’re the only one he loves. You have to know that by now.”

“I know. It’s just hard sometimes, knowing I’m the reason that put that sadness in his eyes. I’m why we lost so much time.”

“But you’re here and you’re together now and that’s all that matters. You can’t keep beating yourself up over the past. Dwelling on it won’t do you any good, and it certainly won’t do him any good either.”

He knew he had to put the past to rest, and stop feeling compelled to pick it up, again and again, and examine it, but it was easier said than done, but he was trying.

This year had been hell for both of them. The past and the pain, he would suppress it, ignore it, and try to forget it. He promised himself he would look forward rather than back. He would try and forget the fact that he was the one that had left Aaron to face a life without him.

Robert heard his phone go off and grabbed it from where he left it on the kitchen counter, flipped through his messages. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

_ A: Morning x It was hard to sleep without ya, I don’t think I slept one wink. I’ll see you later over at the new place. I’ll bring the wine xx _

“You are so smitten,” Vic said with affection from behind him.

Robert felt the heat rush to his cheeks. After all this time, he still was. Every time. “God, what is wrong with me? The way he makes me feel just from one text. Such a sap I’ve turned into.”

“You’re in love. And you’ve been apart for almost a year. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. And this new place, it’s a new start for both of you. You deserve it, you both do.”

“And what about you?”

“I’m doing fine” Vic promised him. They’d been through this last night.

“And this new man of yours? When do I get to meet him?”

“Throw a party at your new place and I might bring him.”

“Deal.”

They were interrupted by a knock at the door. When Robert opened it, he wished he hadn’t.

There stood Paddy, his expression edgy, a flash of annoyance in his eyes. Unrelenting hatred, regret, long-held grudges reared its ugly head with one staggering glare.

“Paddy.” Robert moved aside so Paddy could walk through the door, bringing the foggy morning air in with him.

“Robert.”

“I’ll give you guys some privacy,” Vic said. “Rob, I’ll be upstairs if you need me.”

Robert nodded, but he was looking at Paddy. “Can I get you something to drink? Or should we just get down to it?”

“We can skip the pleasantries.”

Robert shrugged as he walked into the living room. “Whatever you want. I was just trying to be polite.”

“It didn’t take you long to start sniffing around Aaron again.” Right to the point, Paddy didn't see the need to hold back or skirt around it.

“I didn’t have to go  _ sniffing _ around him as you call it. He is my husband.”

“What are you playing at? You purposely just trying to do his head in again?”

“I’m not playing at anything,” Robert said calmly. “Aaron told me he talked to you so you already know we’re together and there’s nothing you can do or say that’s going to change that. Maybe just learn to support his decisions instead of coming here trying to have a go at me. So let’s stop wasting each other’s time yeah?”

“You sent him divorce papers through your lawyer without telling him yourself. Do you have any idea what that did to him?”

Exasperated, Robert let out a breath. “I’m very well aware that I screwed up, you don’t need to keep reminding me. I’ve regretted it every day. You don’t get to stand there and tell him how I felt because you have no idea. Aaron and I have talked about it and he’s forgiven me. Maybe you should too.”

“You can’t just slide it under the rug and pretend it never happened.”

“That's not what we're doing. We’re just trying to move on. Living in the past, it doesn't solve anything. We just want to be happy, Paddy. I hope one day you'll understand that I only did what I did because I love him because I wanted him to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted."

“For Aaron’s sake, I hope that's true.”

“He knows how sorry I am, he knows I love him. That's all that matters."

“You’ve said those words to him before.”

“I thought you might show a little support, a little sympathy, maybe even a little compassion but I was clearly wrong.”

“You have to earn those things. And you already know he would choose you over anything else. Even after everything that happened, all the pain you caused, he would still choose you. That should tell you something.”

“It tells me what I’ve always known, that’s he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Believe me, I know how lucky I am to have him.”

“Good.” Paddy nodded. “We understand each other then.”

“I can’t win with you, Paddy, I never could. I could do everything in my power to make him happy and it still wouldn’t be good enough for you. But I don’t owe you anything.”

“But you do owe Aaron. You owe him the last seven months of his life that he lost because of you.”

“My life fell apart too you know,” Robert snapped. “I wasn’t in prison for kicks. It’s not like it was something I enjoyed and want to go through again. I almost lost my marriage, Paddy. I’m not letting it take a back seat to anything anymore. But think about what you like about me, I really don’t care. You’ve said your peace so.” Robert opened the door. “Show yourself out.”

“I’ll be watching you to make sure you don’t slip up.”

Robert resisted the urge to slam the door after Paddy left. It was tempting, but he held back. But the minute the door was closed, he swore and slammed his fist on the table.

“Easy,” Vic said quietly from behind him. “You don’t need to end up in the hospital with a broken hand.”

No amount of reasoning had ever been enough to abate the constant guilt or the ego-shattering self-doubt that constantly gnawed at him. “I hurt him and I deserve to be punished for it. Everything Paddy said is true. Maybe it would have been better for everyone if I had just stayed in prison.”

“Rob, you’re not defined by your mistakes. You need to see that, Aaron does. He wouldn't still be with you if he was holding onto any type of anger or resentment. Maybe you can just try and let it all go and concentrate on what's in front of you. You thought you had lost your chance at being together, but now you have a real shot at happiness. Don't spoil it.”

“He still loves me. Despite everything, he never stopped. It’s effortless with him. I never have to pretend to be someone or something I’m not.”

People came and went, drifted in and out of his life, but Aaron he always stuck around.

And for him, that was enough.

“That’s the way it should be, isn’t it? Having someone to love you through the good and the bad days. You’ve got a chance at a future, Rob. Please don’t let anyone else spoil it.”

“Paddy hates me.”

“He’ll get over it. Aaron loves you and that should be enough for him.”

“I think his hatred for me outweighs everything else.”

“That’s his problem, isn’t it? He’s only going to push Aaron farther away if he keeps treating you like this. Aaron won’t tolerate it.”

“I know.” And he was grateful for it.

Vic pulled him in for a hug. “Come on, I’ll help you finish loading up your stuff.”

* * *

Robert took his foot off the gas and slowed down as he turned off onto the rural country road that would lead him home.

_ Home _ .

He pulled his car into the driveway of the house that was tucked away and secluded, surrounded by the countryside. Stone, along with brick, wood, and glass, enhanced the house as it stood tall rising behind mature oak trees.

Here, they would build a life together, the one they had always talked about.

Normalcy. They needed it, craved it.

The rain had stopped by the time he stepped out of the car, leaving a light sheen of wet on the newly mowed grass. Wildflowers that had been planted on either side of the stone path that led up to the covered front porch were already blooming.

Like him, the house had thrived in good times and endured in the bad. It had been restored by the previous owners from its original beauty, adding modern touches but kept a rustic charm. It held a little bit of old and the new at the same time, and that had been all part of the beauty and the appeal.

With its soft colors and wood floors, he loved the inside of the house just as much as the outside.

He had plans. To extend the property, make it their own, add life to it. And considering the scope of the project he had in mind, it would take time. He’d already hired a contractor to help, and projections and sketches were already being drafted.

Thumbs stuck in the pocket of his jeans, he made his way up to the pillared entrance and turned his key in the lock.

“Home.” His voice echoed back to him as he stepped inside, the silence a welcome relief after the morning he had.

The large bay window at the front of the house drew in a flood of natural light and illuminated the white tiled floors in the massive foyer.

He would get back to his life, he promised himself as he looked around. The details were falling into place, and it had started with buying this place. Part impulse, part intuition. The need to have something that belonged to them, that didn’t have their past lurking at them from every corner.

He dropped his keys and wallet on the mahogany table in the foyer before continuing through to the master bedroom. He left his bags on the bed and stepped into the adjoining bathroom to turn the shower on. He set the temperature for as hot as he could stand it before stepping inside. The stinging rays felt good on his sore back and taut shoulders.

He got dressed and made his way to the kitchen and into the garden room where French doors led out to the fenced yard.

The privacy had been essential, the back yard with the wrap-around patio had been the clincher.

He walked back into the kitchen and found Aaron at the counter, turning on the espresso machine.

“Don’t look so surprised to see me,” Aaron said. “I told you I was coming by.”

Robert felt his mood shift instantly. “You said you would be by later. I figured you would still be with your mum, helping her get settled back at home.”

“I did and I promised her I would be back later to check in on her. She had a counselor coming by the house, so I made myself scarce. It seemed like a good excuse to sneak over here and surprise you.” Aaron focused on his face and knew instantly something had happened. “What is it?”

He knew Aaron would find out sooner or later. “Paddy showed up at Vic’s this morning.”

“What did Paddy say? From the looks of you, I need to go over there and have a few words with him. I told him to leave you alone.”

“Well he didn’t listen,” Robert said dryly. “He had more than a few choice words for me, but it’s no big deal. I handled it.”

“Tell me what he said.”

Robert sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Stop evading the question and tell me or I’ll go over there and ask him myself.”

“Nothing I didn’t deserve. But he was pissing me off, and I snapped at him. I was trying to keep things civil for your sake, but I just lost it on him. And I know I shouldn’t have lost it on him like that, but he just kept going on and on about how I had basically ruined your life and trying to make me feel guilty for coming back into your life, for forcing you to choose me.”

“You didn’t force me to choose you. I chose you a long time ago. And he doesn’t get to decide what I do with my life or the person I choose to I spend it with. He needs to get that through his thick head.” Aaron grabbed two mugs from the opened box on the counter and poured coffee.

Robert took the blue mug Aaron handed him and took a long swallow. “I don’t want to cause any problems between you and your family. Maybe it would just be best if we left it for now.”

“I hope you didn’t apologize for anything. You didn’t do anything wrong, you know that right?”

“I left you,” Robert reminded him.

“Because you thought I was better off without you. You were wrong, but I know why you did it. But we’re not talking about that anymore because it’s in the past. I’ll talk to him, tell him---”

“It’s fine, Aaron. Just leave it.”

“I’ll leave it for now. But if he tries any of that again, you tell me and we deal with it together.”

Robert imagined Paddy plotting in the shadows, trying to find any way to get him out of the picture. For good. “Can we not talk about Paddy anymore? You’re here, I’m here, and I just want to concentrate on that.”

“Consider the subject closed.”

Robert nodded slowly, seductively, and pushed Aaron against the counter. This was the only thing he wanted, was Robert’s last thought as he grabbed Aaron’s face with his hands and kissed him. He closed his eyes and just let himself  _ feel _ .

Then he felt Aaron’s hand in his hair still damp from the shower, and the other pulling at the silver chain around his neck.

“I’m sorry for the mess I made out of everything. Paddy is right, I should have made you happy, but instead, I left you. I just left you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“It’s in the past. I just want to think about being in this moment right now with you. But if you want to make it up to me, I can think of a few things you can do.”

He wanted to remember this moment, just like he’d memorized the first time they met, their first kiss, and every kiss after that.

He watched as Aaron’s eyes fluttered closed as they mouths’ crashed together, and memorized that, too.

This was the only man he wanted for the rest of his life.

This man that had stood up for him, fought for him, loved him. Saved him.

Robert pulled him in for another kiss, making him feel instantly and vitally alive. “You’re mine and I’m not letting you go this time.”

Aaron felt Robert unzip his hoody and watched it fall to the floor. “Good. But I don’t want to do this in the kitchen. Come on.” Aaron grabbed his hand and they went down the hall to their bedroom and together fell to the bed.

“Now come here.” Growing impatient, Robert nipped at the spot he knew would drive Aaron over the edge. There it was again, he thought as he stroked his finger along the side of Aaron’s face, felt the tremor under his fingertips.

Robert buried his face in the cook of Aaron’s neck and greedily took what he had been craving all day, taking them both  _ there _ , over and over again until they’d both dissolved into a puddle of pleasure and whimpers.


	7. Chapter 7

"Later," Aaron said, trying to wiggle free from Robert's embrace.

Oh yeah right, Robert mused. Like anything could stop him. He brought his mouth down to Aaron's again. He needed the taste of him, craved it, even though he knew Vic and her fiance Josh were only feet away in their back yard.

Aaron's body was hard, tough muscle and lean under his hands that were becoming just a bit rough from anticipation and need. 

All he wanted was to lock the door and shut everything else out.

But they had company.

_ Your idea, _ Robert reminded himself. And he didn't want to be rude.

And the last thing he wanted was anyone walking in on him and Aaron with their hands all over each other.

No, this was a very bad idea. He shouldn’t have followed Aaron into the bedroom.

“We can’t do this here. Not now,” Aaron murmured. “Later,” he said again, putting some distance between them.

“Later," Robert agreed with regret. 

“I’ll bring the champagne and let you try and seduce me.”

Robert arched an eyebrow. “Is that a challenge? Game on. You won’t be able to resist me.” He opened the door and took one last look behind him at the disheveled look of Aaron’s clothes and his lips still bruised from his kiss. “You might want to straighten up before you come back out. People are going to think we were up to no good in here."

Aaron’s eyes didn’t leave Robert's as he pulled his shirt down, fixed his hair, and secretly vowed to wipe that smug off Robert's face later when they were alone. “You’re going to pay for that later.”

* * *

Robert and Aaron stepped through the terrace doors, and underneath the wood pergola in their backyard, along with Vic and her fiance Josh, they saw Chas and Paddy.

Robert tossed back scotch. His hand trembled a bit, and before he could stop it the glass slipped out of his hand and shattered.

He hadn’t expected them to show up. He hadn't been prepared for it, or the icy glare in Chas’ eyes as they landed on him.

What was supposed to be a nice night, turned into a hellish one when Chas stormed towards him.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded.

His world, his life, his heart, all stopped for a minute as the hurtful words spewed out of her mouth, her angry eyes darted at him.

She grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket. If he had been steady, he could have dodged the blow. But the slap connected. His ears rang, his cheek stung and his patience snapped.

"Chas," Robert said through clenched teeth, holding his cheek, "what the hell was that for?"

" _ You.  _ I can't believe you had the nerve to show your face here."

“Chas!" Vic said, rushing to her brother's side, ready to defend him.

"He's poison! He never should have come back here."

"You can't talk to my brother like that. And I won't tolerate you slapping him either."

“He deserved it.” Chas struggled to tamper down on her fury, but she continued to let it fly. But it was no match for the anger in Aaron's eyes as he stepped between her and Robert.

“No, he didn’t. He hasn't done anything. You need to apologize right now. I mean it."

“He could have gone somewhere, anywhere else. Why did he have to come back here? To torment you, to put you through even more pain.”

“It's not like that, you don't understand.”

“You haven’t been the same since he came back. I knew something was off about you, but you wouldn't talk to me about it. And now you invite him here, to what? Show him how you’ve moved on, how you’re better off without him I hope. To prove to him and yourself that you've made a life for yourself that doesn’t include him.”

“I didn’t have to invite him here because he lives here.” Aaron held his breath for the realization to hit. "I had no life without him."

“What do you mean he lives here?” Chas demanded.

“Robert and I, we live here, together. We're together. We're still married.”

“What? No.” She shook her head in denial.

“I didn’t tell you right away because I didn’t want to upset you after the accident. I was waiting for the right time."

“How long has this been going on?” she demanded.

Aaron hesitated. “Since before he got out. But that doesn't matter. You need to apologize. I'm serious, Mum. Right now or I'm going to have to ask you to leave and I'm not sure I want to see you until you do.”

“No.” Her voice was firm, her gaze icy-cold as it landed back on Robert.

"Now," Aaron said.

Robert took the ice pack from Victoria and held it to his cheek as his head continued to pound. “Aaron, just leave it.”

"No, I'm not just going to leave it.”

“Maybe we should leave, give you a chance to talk with your mum alone.”

“You live here, I’m not asking you to leave. If anyone is going to leave, it’s her. She can't just walk in our house, insult you and take a swing at you.”

“I’m not going to apologize for hitting him, but I’m sorry I did it in front of your guests at a party I wasn’t invited to.”

“It’s not a party, Mum. It’s just a dinner with Vic and Josh, so Robert could get to know the man that’s going to marry his sister. I guess the secrets’ out now, and look how you reacted. You can see why I didn’t tell you.”

“Rob, let’s get you inside,” Vic said. He looked like he was going to pass out.

“Yeah man come on, I’ll help ya.” Josh took his arm and helped him inside.

Anger stirred in him as he sat at the kitchen table. “Thanks,” he said when Josh handed him a glass of water.

“She’s got some punch,” Josh remarked.

“It’s not the first time she’s hit me, and I'm sure it won't be the last."

Vic touched a gentler finger to the bruise. Robert winced and sucked in a breath. “You’re going to have a nasty bruise there for a while.”

“Great.”

She ignored his sarcastic tone. “I still can’t believe she did that.”

“I can,” Robert muttered.

“You’d think you’d know better by now to duck,” Vic said.

“Leave it to you sis to make a joke about this.” He heard the faint sound of a car engine springing to life and a few incoherent curses as Aaron walked in the back door.

“I told them to leave. Rob, I’m so sorry. I should have told her sooner.”

“I can’t keep doing this to you,” Robert said quietly. “Hurting you like this, coming between you and your family. I think it would be better if I just go.”

Something close to frustration flashed in Aaron's eyes. “You are not walking out on me again.”

“I just need to get some air.”

Aaron knew when not to push. “Okay fine, but promise me you’ll come back.”

Robert didn’t say a word as he walked past him. In the hallway, he grabbed his jacket, wallet, and keys and walked out the front door, shutting it firmly behind him.

* * *

Chas had the power of being able to make him believe that coming back to the village, trying to start over —with Aaron—had been a bad idea. That he didn't deserve another second chance.

By epic proportions, he had screwed everything up. He knew he had his reasons, and part of him believed they were justified, but that fact didn't make it hurt any less.

Chas had made her point very clear – with not only words but her fists – and he couldn’t keep denying to himself that her words, and the anger behind them, were justified.

He was poison, he should have just stayed away. Aaron deserved better.

It was all true.

He had just gotten into his car and drove, unsure of where he planned to go or what he planned to do.

He found himself back at the Mill, slumped against the staircase, a bottle of whiskey between his hands. His phone was beside him, the red light flashing.

There were numerous texts, all from Aaron.

_ Come back home. We have to talk about this. _

_ Stop shutting me out. _

_ I love you, damn it. Stop being so damn foolish and talk to me. _

_ You're killing me. You were the one that wanted us to try again. You promised me things would be different this time, that you would stop bottling stuff up. _

_ If this is how you want to play this, fine. Call me when you’re ready to be in an actual relationship. If I’m still around. At this point I’m not sure how much longer I can take this. _

When Robert finally called him back, he was more than a little drunk. “This was a mistake, me coming back here. You and everybody else would have just been better off if I stayed in prison. Just move on with your life, Aaron, and stay away from me. I’m poison, just like your mum said. You’re better off without me.”

“I’m not,” Aaron said, exasperated, frustrated. “Don’t do this. It’ll just take time, but she’ll come around. Don’t let her ruin what we have. I love you. Please. Just tell me where you are.”

“Goodbye Aaron.” He ended the call before he could change his mind.

By midnight, he decided it was definitely a mistake opening up the second bottle. It was a colossal, oh god what was I thinking mistake, and his only defense for his lapse in judgment was that he was already drunk when he’d opened it and wasn’t thinking clearly.

With two empty bottles of Jack Daniels smashed to pieces beside him, Robert leaned his head back and wondered how the hell he was going to be able to walk away when everything inside of him was screaming at him to get back in his car and go find Aaron.

Aaron was right, his drunk brain tried to reason with him. He was being foolish.


	8. Chapter 8

“You look like hell.”

With his feet propped up on the coffee table, and hands clasped behind his head, Robert glared at Victoria as she came through the front door.

He’d passed out on the couch after downing the rest of the vodka he’d found buried in one of the kitchen cabinets, he recalled. That explained the pounding headache, he thought with a grimace as pain shot through his temples and behind his eyes.

“Thanks,” he said dryly, rubbing his temples. “I feel like hell.”

“What the hell were you thinking, walking out like that? I could strangle you.”

On the defensive, he narrowed his eyes. “Once again, thanks,” he muttered. "Get in line."

“You could have come back to my place if you needed a place to crash.”

“I needed to be alone.” He stood up and regretted it instantly as his head continued to pound, and he walked into the kitchen to find some aspirin. He saw the broken glass still on the floor and maneuvered around it. “I might have had a little too much to drink last night.”

“Aaron said you won’t talk to him. What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I was mad, drunk, and stupid okay? I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“I’m not going to let you just sit in here and wallow in your own misery. You need to get back in your car and go find him.”

“I can’t do that. It’s not that easy.”

“The hell it’s not. Are you really willing to risk losing him again just because of what Chas said to you?” Her tone softened. “You didn’t see Aaron after you left. It’s exactly how he looked after you filed for divorce. Do you know what he did while you were sitting here drowning your sorrows?” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “He went over to the pub and in front of everybody told his mum off. Told her that if she ever spoke to you like that again or laid one hand on you, that he would never speak to her again. You’re my brother and I love you, but you’re acting like a real ass. So stop acting stupid and go find him.”

“You’ve made your point, you can go now,” he snapped.

"Go find him," she said again, throwing his jacket at him. 

His eyes were haunted by the sadness that was as much a part of him as the rest of him. “I can’t. I need to work out a few things first.”

“What could be more important than saving your marriage?”

Robert rubbed his temples, wishing the pain would subside so he could start thinking clearly, not in a mess where everything felt jumbled. “My head hurts, can you stop yelling at me?”

“Just go and find him. I can come back later to see how you got on.”

“Don’t bother. I have a few things to take care of, I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“I love you, you know, even when you do stupid stuff like this. Work it out, do whatever you need to do to fix it. Give me a call later once your head is straight.”

_ You’ve made a really complicated mess of your life, Sugden. _

Yeah, big surprise there, he thought in disgust as he watched Vic leave. He got up to brew coffee, hoping the caffeine would help erase some of the fatigue that had snuck up on him.

_ Just look at where you ended up _ , he reminded himself. Prison.  _ Because you don’t know how to control your anger or your grief. You lash out instead of dealing with it because you’re afraid. _

But afraid of what?

_ Deal with your demons before they consume you _ .

Ignoring the coffee, he put a call into Heather. He needed to start dealing with his problems instead of trying to run away from them.

“I just had a cancellation. Can you be here in two hours?”

* * *

With his foot hard on the gas and his foul and reckless mood chasing behind him, Robert scowled through the windshield as the rain continued to pour down.

He thought he could outdistance his problems, but decided the only way to fix them was to meet them head-on and deal.

He almost turned the car around halfway there and gave into the temptation of doing what he did best – running away. But he couldn’t. He had to deal with this now or it would be too late. This was his last chance, or he would lose Aaron for good, and there wouldn’t be any more chances.

And that wasn’t a risk he could afford to take.

He hadn’t come this far, worked this hard, to lose it all again.

He called himself every name in the book. Coward. Idiot. A fool.

_ Pull yourself together. _

He pushed those thoughts away as he stepped inside Heather’s office. Pale amber walls were lined with photography prints and a long mahogany desk was at the back of the room with piles of papers beside a small computer, while a two cushion sofa and chair took up the rest of the room.

Robert declined her offer of coffee or water and sat down on the couch. He clutched his leather jacket like a lifeline.

She offered him a welcoming smile as she grabbed a pen and note pad off her desk, but it didn't help to abate his foul mood. “I was surprised to hear from you,” she said, her voice low, professionally neutral, her green eyes watching him intently as she leaned back in the chair. “I thought things were getting better. At our last session, you were talking about how good the move went to your new place, how you and Aaron were talking about renewing your vows. From your tone on the phone, it sounds like something’s changed.”

She tapped her pen on her notepad, listening intently as Robert delved right into it, replaying the events from the night before.

He was frustrated, angry, upset. So many emotions rolled into one. She had sensed it the moment he walked into her office and slumped down onto the couch.

“I understand where her anger may come from, but that’s no excuse to physically hit you,” she said carefully. “You can’t justify physical violence, no matter the reason. She feels like you abandoned her son and she snapped. It’s a weak excuse for insulting someone, let alone leaving that mark on your face.”

“I don’t know how not to feel angry,” he admitted. “I know I deserved it, but I can’t help feeling defeated. She’s never going to be okay with this, with Aaron and I back together, and that kills me because I know if she can’t accept it, that leaves Aaron in a tough spot, and I can’t put him through that.”

Direct, uncompromising eyes analyzed him. “So your answer to that was to walk out on him.”

She didn’t have to make him sound so god damn selfish, he thought. But it was true, he admitted, and it was hard to argue with the truth. He shifted uncomfortably. “I already know it was a stupid thing to do.”

“She doesn’t feel an ounce of sympathy for you. Which left you brooding, and eventually led to you walking out, being on your own, and drowning your sorrows in booze.”

He couldn’t argue with her analogy. “I couldn’t think straight. I was so focused on myself, I didn’t care about anyone else. I already downed two bottles and found a third. I had the bottle in my hand. I just stared at it and it fell to the floor. I wasn’t thinking straight,” he said again. “Instead of dealing with it, I punched my fist through the wall. And fuck if it didn’t hurt like hell.”

She had noticed the bandage on his hand as soon as he walked in but had to wait for him to be ready to talk about it. “Did it make you feel any better?”

He scowled. “Of course not. I woke up with a throbbing hand and a fucking hangover.”

Now they were getting somewhere. “Did it change your mind?”

“My anger is what landed me in prison. I didn’t know how to deal with it properly then, and I’m not sure I know how to now either.”

“It was one tiny slip up. It’s okay to be angry, but you have to change the way you deal with it.”

“You don’t think I know that?” he snapped. “I just wanted to try and make things right. I tried to reason with her and with Paddy, to explain, to try and show them that I had changed, that I wasn’t going to hurt Aaron again. They already had their minds made about me and there was nothing I could do or say to change how they feel. They had already given me enough chances, and I screwed up every single one.”

Heather proceeded with caution. “Were you angry with Aaron too?”

Robert shook his head. “Of course not. He didn’t do anything. This is all on me.”

It was getting easier to gauge where he was coming from the more time she spent talking with him. She liked to think she not only understood him, but sympathized with him. “You think that because you went to prison, did time, and while trying to protect him, you let him go because you thought he was better off without you, that because of all that you don’t deserve forgiveness?”

“I nearly destroyed our marriage.  _ Me.  _ I accepted that a long time ago, and even though Aaron and I have moved past it, there are constant reminders every time we turn around. And there are always people there to remind me every chance they get what I did and I have to relive it again and again. They have every right to hate me. Hell, I’d hate me too. Sometimes I do.”

“You can’t keep letting your past mistakes control your life. You’re letting them steal your future from you. You’re never going to be happy living this way.”

Why did she have to be so god damn logical? “I was doing fine until Paddy showed up on my doorstep and confronted me, accused me of ruining Aaron’s life, telling me how better off Aaron would be if I was still rotting in prison. He thinks all I care about is myself, and even I started to believe it. I started questioning everything again. Then when Chas showed up last night, I had to listen to her spouting the same thing again and again, and I just lost it. I couldn’t handle it, so I ran.”

“What they think or what they say shouldn’t matter. Aaron has forgiven you, but you haven’t forgiven yourself. You need to.”

“I know.” He just never imagined it would be so hard. “They’re his family. They are always going to be around. If they can’t accept us, what is the point of even trying to stay together? We’re just going to end up torn apart down the road if this keeps up. It’s inevitable.”

“So your solution is to just give up? Make him so angry that he walks out on you?”

“I don’t want him to have to choose between me and his family.”

“Seems to me like they’re the ones forcing him to choose.”

“That’s why I made the choice for him.”

“I think you made the wrong one.” Heather sighed, put her legal pad down on the glass table, and leaned forward to meet Robert’s eyes. “I’m going to be one hundred percent honest with you. I think what you did was stupid. Do you remember what happened when you tried to make Aaron’s decisions for him before? You didn’t speak for almost eight months. We’ve talked about this before, communication is key if you want to have a successful relationship. I saw firsthand how heartbroken you were when you finally opened up to me about him. You looked so lost. I see that same look in your eyes now. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by shutting him out, trying to do what you think is the noble thing. You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel. You’re sitting here in my office feeling sorry for yourself when you should be with him working things out.”

It was her professional nature, he supposed. She had the power to make him question every choice, every decision he’d made, opening his eyes up to the consequences of each choice. It made him feel miserable. He had come to respect and appreciate her opinion, even on those occasions when he didn’t want to hear it like now when her advice only made him feel like an even bigger idiot. “I always think I know what’s best for him when I clearly don’t. I shouldn’t have shut him out then, and I shouldn’t have done it last night. I need to talk to him.”

He had two clearly defined goals. First, to get to Aaron and apologize. The second was going to be a lot harder to accomplish. Find a way to learn to accept that Chas and Paddy might never forgive him. He would try and prove to them that he had changed, but he wouldn’t, he refused to, let them dictate how he lived his life and make him feel guilty because of his past.

“Go find him. And stop bottling things up or you’re going to lose him, and there will be no more second chances. If you really love him, you need to show him.”

“I love him more than anything,” Robert murmured. “And I’d do anything to make him happy. I just don’t know how.”

“You’ll figure it out.” She’d seen far too many couples in similar circumstances just give up and walk away, never really giving their relationship a fighting chance. She saw something different in Robert and Aaron the minute she had seen the two of them together. “Even a blind man could see how much you love each other. After everything you have been through together, he’s still here. He didn’t give up on you, so don’t you dare give up on him.”

“I don’t want to. I just didn’t know how to deal with all of this.” It had all been too much, he admitted to himself, and it just bubbled to the surface.

“You’ve gone through a lot this past year, both of you have. But you need to decide whether you’re going to sit back and let the past control your life and let what other people say affect you or you take a stand and live your own life. You have a partner who loves you and is committed to you. I have worked with a lot of couples who have been through similar experiences, and most of them have been in prison a lot longer then you were, and lost everything. They let their pride get in the way, let others dictate everything they say and do. They get so wrapped up in their own head that they can’t see what’s in front of them. I can promise you it won’t be easy but it’s worth it, but you have to be the one to make that choice. No one else can make it for you. Take a hard look and ask yourself  _ is losing my husband worth all of this? _ ”

He didn’t need a therapist to help him answer that question.

Robert was already grabbing his phone from his jacket pocket to text Aaron as a million feelings and countless memories flashed in his mind.

No, nothing was worth losing Aaron. Not money, not pride, not his stupid ego. 

_ Aaron, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out like that, and I shouldn’t have said that we were over. I don’t want us to be over. I love you. I want us to talk, I want us to get through this. I don’t want to spend another day without you. We’ve already lost so much. Call me, please. _

Back in his car, Robert stepped on the gas and headed back to the village towards the scrap yard.

_ Aaron: I’m heading to work. If you really want to talk, meet me there. On your hands and knees preferably. _

He was smiling as he stepped out of the car, but then he heard the shouting coming from the cabin as he got closer.

“Move one more muscle and you’re dead.”


	9. Chapter 9

Aaron struggled, battling with the ropes that were digging into his skin, and felt the sting.

He’d believed Blake, trusted him. Let him buy into the scrap yard. Worked with him for months, and never in that time did he get the impression that he was involved in anything illegal and owed thousands of pounds in gambling debts.

Blake proved to be not only untrustworthy, but now he was the reason the two of them were in this mess.

Sharing a cabin with a psychopath, a man Blake owed money to.

Lots of it.

He shivered from the fear that tore at his insides, certain he was going to die, as he stared up at the gun currently aimed at his chest.

“I said don’t move a muscle.”

“I can’t exactly move, you’ve tied my hands,” Aaron said dryly.

Cold, piercing blue eyes glared at him. “I can’t believe I was ever attracted to you.”

He was so close. Aaron could feel the warmth of Evan’s breath as he leaned in closer to pump more fear into him. He just needed Evan to come a little bit closer then he could kick him hard enough to send him sprawling backward.

But the pain that shot through him reminded him that he was tied up and was losing any strength he might have had to accomplish the feat.

“I’m glad attraction is no longer an issue between us,” Aaron said through clenched teeth. “You’re not really my type.”

“Oh, I find that hard to believe,” Evan sneered. “Your husband was in prison so you must go for that sort of thing. Criminals. They must really turn you on.”

“He’s not a criminal.”

“He went to prison,” Evan countered. “That makes him one.”

“Think what you like, but he’s nothing like you. He could never be.” His heart raced as he tried to come up with a way to save himself, to break free of the bonds tying him down. He had tried to fight Evan, to try and avoid whatever fate Evan had planned for him.

Panic surged through his blood, causing his heart to thunder.

_ Whatever you do, don’t let him see that you’re in fear. Don’t give him that satisfaction. But don’t fight, either. Pretend to give up; fake it and act like you’ve accepted your fate. Maybe his guard will slip and you can somehow get a hold of the gun. _

His stomach clenched even tighter when he remembered Robert and his last text before he’d walked in on the confrontation Blake had been having with Evan in the cabin flashed before his mind.

_ I’m on my way. But you can forget the hands and knees part. I like role-playing as much as the next guy, but I have a better storyline in mind. _

Lying son of a bitch, Aaron thought angrily as Evan stared him down.

Evan savored the fact that he was the one making Aaron tremble in fear. It was almost restitution for Aaron to reject his advances during their failed blind date.

Evan knew he was scared. He could see it in his eyes. He could kill Aaron right here, right now. And he would take pleasure in watching it happen.

But this was between him and Blake.

“See what you made me do?” Evan turned from Aaron to glare at Blake, who was frozen in place, leaning against his desk. “You should have just paid me what you owed me and it wouldn’t have come down to this.”

“I told you I’m trying to get it, but I need more time.” Blake sent an apologetic look in Aaron’s direction before he turned back to Evan. “Please, just let him go. Aaron has nothing to do with this.”

Evan shook his head. “I can’t do that. He’s already heard too much. I can’t risk him going to the cops.”

“I won’t,” Aaron said. “Your problem is with Blake, not me. You need to let me go. My husband is on his way here. If he catches you---“

Evan laughed, and it was cold, so cold. “I’m not buying into that. I heard you tell Blake that he walked out on you.”

“We made up. He just needed to sort some things out. I just talked to him like twenty minutes ago.”

“Stop trying to distract me,” Evan shouted, the gun still aimed at Aaron. “Move one more muscle and you’re dead.”

Robert charged through the door and stopped dead in his tracks. “What the hell is going on?” he demanded. “Aaron, what the hell did you get yourself into?”

“This must be the elusive husband I’ve heard so much about.” Evan pointed the gun at Robert. “Aaron wasn’t kidding when he said you were coming here. Too bad for you.”

Robert held up his hands. “First, who the hell are you? And second, why are you in here waving a gun around?” Robert recognized the man he had seen outside the pub with Aaron. But this other man, the one aiming the gun, anger flashing in his eyes, was a stranger.

“I’m your worst nightmare if you don’t shut the hell up.”

“Aaron, I’m sorry you got dragged into this,” Blake said, as he pulled out his wallet. “Evan, I have three thousand. I can get you the rest, I just need a little bit more time.”

“Time’s up.” Evan turned around and pointed the gun back at Aaron. “You know, when you wouldn’t even give me a chance because you were still hung up on this nightmare you’re married to, I never thought I’d get the chance to seek my revenge. But now? I get to kill you and have your husband watch.” There was pure evil behind his eyes as he smiled. “Sweet revenge. What could be sweeter?”

“No!” As Evan went to pull the trigger, Robert stepped in front of Aaron. A gunshot blasted, and Robert fell to the ground.

“Gotta run.” Evan grabbed the cash out of Blake’s hands and stuffed it in the pocket of his jacket, along with the gun, and ran out the door before anyone could stop him.

“Untie me!” Aaron yelled at Blake. “Right now!”

Blake grabbed a knife from the desk and used it to remove the rope from Aaron’s wrists. “Aaron, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know this was going to happen.”

“You and me,” Aaron said, glaring at Blake, “we’re done. But I can’t worry about you or the business right now. I have to make sure Robert is okay.”

Aaron knelt to the ground beside Robert and put his jacket over the gunshot wound on Robert’s chest. It didn’t look like the bullet had gone too deep or had hit any of his vital organs, and Robert was still conscious, so Aaron took that as a good sign. Barely holding it together, Aaron called for an ambulance.

Robert was alive, and for now, Aaron tried to concentrate on that. It took all of his will power not to get up and punch Blake right in the nose. But he knew no good would come from that. He would just end up in jail for assault.

Aaron wiped his nose with his sleeve. “It’s my husband, he’s been shot.”

“Where are you?”

Aaron rattled off the address between sobs. “Please hurry. He can’t die. I can’t lose him again, I can’t.”

“I need you to stay calm and stay on the line with me okay? I’m sending a unit out right now. Now take a deep breath and let it out. Good, now tell me exactly what happened.”

“He was shot. He was just trying to protect me. The gun was aimed at me, but my husband stepped in front of me and took the bullet. God, he’s so stupid.”

“Do you know who shot him?”

“His name is Evan. He ran off right after it happened. He knows my business partner. From what I heard, Blake, that’s my business partner, owed Evan a lot of money in gambling debts and Evan showed up here at our job site demanding Blake pay him or that he would kill him. I walked in just as Evan took the gun out of his jacket and was holding it to Blake’s head. As soon as he saw me he aimed the gun at me and told me to stay put and keep my mouth shut or he was going to kill me too. Then he tied me to a chair. We heard another car pull up and a few minutes later my husband walked through the door and as soon as he saw what was happening he jumped in front of me. Then Evan shot him.” Aaron couldn’t control the sobs. “He shot my husband. Please, you have to help me.”

“The unit is just a few minutes away. I need you to stay on the phone with me. Where is the shooter now? Is he still there?”

“He drove off in his vehicle.” Aaron tried to conjure up the make and model in his head. “A black Porsche.”

“Do you remember anything else about him?”

“He has jet black hair, about 5’8. His name is Evan, I don’t know his last name.” His throat clogged with grief, pain, and a deep intense fury.

_ The cops better find Evan before I do. _

Somewhere nearby an owl hooted, barely distinct over the pounding of his own heart.

“You have to be okay,” he whispered to Robert as he hung up the phone.

“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” Robert tried to smile, but blackness pulled at his vision. Aaron’s face was becoming a blur. Each breath he drew was labored and thin, his lungs on fire. He fought to stay conscious.

“Don’t talk. The ambulance is almost here. Just lay still. It’s going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. We’re going to be okay,” Aaron said quietly.

_ Hurry _ , he silently urged.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” He pressed a kiss to Robert’s forehead. “I just got you back. I’m not losing you again."

“I am so sorry for yesterday, I shouldn’t have walked out on you like that.”

“Don’t,” Aaron whispered. “It’s done. None of that matters anymore.” He heard the sound of the ambulance in the distance. “Just keep your eyes on me okay? I’m not leaving you.”

Robert reached for his hand, squeezed. "Love you. So much."

“You saved my life. I can’t believe you jumped in front of him like that. It was stupid.” Aaron used his sleeve to wipe his eyes.

Robert would have laughed if it didn’t hurt so much to move. “I would do it again if it meant you didn’t get hurt.”

Through the mist and darkness, he heard the low rumble of tires on gravel. The ambulance pulled in, followed by two cop cars.

Aaron stepped back and let the medics do their job. He watched as two uniformed officers cordoned off the yard, as well as the cabin.

_ Son of a bitch. _

He closed his eyes and drew in several deep breaths.

He couldn’t lose Robert, not again.

They’d been to hell and back again.

And now this.


	10. Chapter 10

From somewhere outside his world came the shriek of sirens, the pressure on his chest, the speeding motion of the ambulance.

Then lights again, bright white to sear his closed lids. Voices shouted on all sides of him.

_ Bullet wound. BP’s eighty over fifty and falling. Pulse rapid. Pupils are good. _

Blood was everywhere. His blood, he realized. 

He was on a table with his shirt torn open. He looked down at himself with detached sympathy. A quiet sense of relief. The sounds were nothing but an echo.

Then the pain tore through him. He was riding in a drug hazed blur. The room was dark and the bed narrow and hard. A backwash of light filtered through a pane of glass that was spotted with fingerprints and machines beeped.

He was too weak to lift his head. The pain swarmed back into him every few hours like clockwork. 

When the two cops came in, he was awake, and the pain was smothered under a few lawyers of morphine. Through glazed eyes, he recognized the identification they flashed at him.

“You’re lucky to be alive.” A cop with wild red hair escaping from a messy knot at the nape of her neck. The tag pinned to her uniform said her name was Nina.

“That’s what they keep telling me. So, what the hell happened?”

“According to the witness statements we have gathered so far, specifically the one from the man that called the ambulance is that you stepped in front of him to keep him from getting shot. He was the intended target. He said he's your husband.”

_ Aaron. _

_ No! _ his mind screamed, but then it all started coming back to him.

“Yes, that's right. But I don’t remember a lot.”

“Let’s just start at the beginning. Anything you can remember. Anything at all.” The other officer laid a hand on his shoulder. “Take your time.”

“I remember going to see Aaron. We had a fight the night before and I had overreacted. There were a few other cars parked there and I heard shouting from the cabin. I went inside and that is when I saw them. This guy had a gun pointed at Aaron. The other guy, Aaron’s partner, owed this guy a lot of money. Something about gambling debts. Aaron had apparently walked in when Blake was being threatened by this Evan, yeah that’s his name. The guy that had the gun. I didn’t even think about it, I rushed in front of Aaron before Evan could do anything. I don’t remember anything after that.”

“This Evan, he shot you.” The officer, Chuck, poised his pencil over a page in his book.

“Yeah.” 

“You took two bullets.” Chuck’s face showed concern. “Another inch either way and you would have been dead.”

“We haven’t been able to locate this Evan yet. He did a runner after he shot you. That is according to Blake,” Nina said. 

“I don’t remember anything after being shot. I kind of remember Aaron leaning over me. He was trying to stop me from bleeding out. I remember him on his phone, talking to the ambulance dispatcher. He was losing his mind.”

“He saved your life. The doctors said you would have died if he hadn’t applied pressure to the wound, kept you calm until the ambulance arrived.”

Their questions were interrupted when Chuck's phone went off. "They're in pursuit of the suspect," he said when he hung up. "Hopefully we'll have him in custody before the day is over."

Robert was already drifting off courtesy of the medication being pumped into him through his IV.

"We'll let you rest. We'll keep you and your husband updated."

But Robert was already asleep.

* * *

As windshield wipers slapped away the rain, his heart drummed a million miles a minute. Following a steady stream of headlights into the city, he checked his rearview mirror making sure that he wasn’t being followed.

He couldn’t get caught. He couldn’t go back to prison. He couldn’t endure that again.

There were no red and blue strobe lights pursuing him; he was safe. For now. 

_ Relax, no one’s tailing you. You got away with it. Cops are morons anyway. _

As he pulled down the road towards the house, he checked his mirrors one more time. Then, satisfied he was safe from pursuit, pulled the car into the drive and turned off the ignition.

As soon as he stepped out of the car, he heard the sirens. "Shit."

"Evan Klament, you're under arrest for the attempted murder of Robert Sugden."

This was not good. Not good. "Wait a second, I think you have the wrong guy." He looked into the shaded eyes of the police officer currently holding a gun to him and knew it was over.

He scrambled to try and grab the gun in his jacket pocket, but it was too late. The cop was faster. Before he knew it, his hands were tied behind his back and he felt the click of the handcuffs as they were bound around his wrists.

"This is a mistake," he tried.

The cop just rolled his eyes and shoved Evan into the back of his patrol car.

* * *

The stethoscope was ice cold against his chest, the blood pressure cuff too tight around his arm. He lifted a finger, tried to let out a moan, but no sound came out.

_ Why is my throat so scratchy? _

How long had he been out of it? And why did everything hurt?

He looked around the room, the only light was the sun filtering through the small window. He tried to move but discovered he was hooked up to machines that were monitoring his heartbeat and breathing and god knows what else. 

He raised the tip of a finger off the bed. The effort was painful. 

All that effort wasted, he thought grimly. It hurt to move even a finger.

Where was Aaron?

He heard footsteps, and the vague scent of lingering cigarette smoke.

“You’re awake,” the nurse said cheerfully. “Looks like you managed to finally get some rest.”

“That’s because you finally stopped poking and prodding at me and left me alone,” he grumbled.

“You’re my favorite patient,” she said with a sarcastic smile. 

"Where's my husband?"

"Your pulse is elevated and you have an accelerated heart rate. Try and calm down." She stood beside the doctor, the one with the cold hands and irritating voice he remembered from earlier.

The doctor shone a harsh beam directly into his eyes. 

It was blinding and made Robert flinch. “Do you have to do that?” Robert demanded. 

“Your vitals look good,” the doctor said, turning off the light and backing away from the bed as he made some notes on his chart at the foot of the bed. 

“How much longer do I have to stay here?” Robert asked.

“A couple more days. Just for observation,” the doctor added. "You're out of the woods, but you still need your rest."

He heard the sound of the door opening, and his heartbeat quickened when he saw Chas. He narrowed his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I know I’m probably the last person you probably want to see, but I wanted to see how you were doing.” She entered the room cautiously. 

Robert gestured towards the only chair in the room, the one beside his bed. “Have a seat, but I've got to warn you I won't hesitate to ring the nurse and she's got quite the temper.”

"I just wanted to talk with you for a few minutes, then I'll let you rest. I know you need it after the night you've had." Chas sat down in the chair, and Robert swore she looked nervous.

"What's on your mind?"

“Aaron’s a wreck. He’s worried about ya even when he knows you’re fine.”

“One of the things I love about him.”

"You saved his life. You seem to make a habit out of doing that, being there to rescue him when he needs it."

"I was just glad I was there."

“Robert, I am so sorry. For what happened the other night, for being so cold to you. For all the mean things I've said to you since you came back. I had no right to walk into your home and talk to you the way I did. I was angry and I lashed out. I know it’s no excuse, but I really am sorry.”

“I understand, but you have to understand where I'm coming from, too. What I did to Aaron after I went to prison, I took no joy in it. I was trying to protect him.”

“I know that now. But you have to understand that I'm his mum and seeing him so torn up every day because he couldn't see you, couldn't talk to you, it killed me. There was nothing I could do to make his pain go away. He needed you and you just disappeared from his life. No explanation, you just vanished. Then he got those divorce papers and he flipped. He'd go out late at night to these sleazy night clubs. I even caught him bringing strangers back to the Mill and I was so scared. Seeing him like that, so out of control, I thought I was going to lose him. He needed you and it made me hate you.” 

“I needed him too. Chas, you have to believe me, it killed me walking away from him. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I thought he would be better off without me holding him back. I thought I was going to be in prison for years.”

“He would have stayed by your side, no matter what happened, but you didn't give him the chance. That's what hurt him the most I think, that you took the choice away from him. He didn't get to decide how his life turned out. He learned over the phone that his marriage was over. You have to understand what that did to him, and not just to him but everyone that cared about him.”

Every muscle in his body tensed. For all of about four seconds, Robert considered ringing the nurse.

“Are you in pain? Should I get the doctor?” Chas seemed genuinely concerned.

“No, I’m fine, it just hurts like a bitch. So does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“Robert, I’m the one that’s sorry. I can’t believe I treated you the way I did. You protected my son. You risked your life for him, and it wasn’t the first time. You’re a hero in my books.” She'd never fully understood until now, seeing Robert in a hospital bed after he'd nearly died protecting her son, how much Robert really loved Aaron. And she felt foolish for ever doubting him. Circumstances, she thought. They had been separated by tragic circumstances.

“I would do it again if it meant he was okay. I care more about him than I do anyone or anything else.”

"I'm starting to see that. Now that I've said my piece, I'll leave you alone so you can rest. Aaron's just back at the pub getting some rest. My orders," she said as she stood up. "He was pacing around too much and he looked knackered. I hope you don't mind that I made him go for a lie-down."

"No of course not. The nurse told me he spent most of the night pacing outside the room. I think she's glad he went home."

When Chas leaned down and kissed his cheek, he took it as an unspoken truce between the two of them. 

She no longer thought of Robert as the disaster that she had predicted him to be all those years ago. Robert was simply the man her son loved, and he was family. "If there's anything you need, I've got your back. Anything at all. Don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks Chas. Just tell Aaron I'm awake and I want to see him."

Chas nodded. "Of course. He loves you, he never stopped. You're both lucky to get another chance with each other. Not a lot of people get as many chances as the two of you have had. Don't mess it up."

"We won't."


	11. Chapter 11

The last person Aaron expected to see coming out of Robert's room was Paddy.

"What are you doing here?" 

"I was umm just in there talking to Robert. Well, apologizing. You know for everything that's happened since he came back. Your mum and I, I know we haven't been kind to him. I've said a lot of things I regret. I wanted to apologize to the both of you, but you were still sleeping when I left this morning so I thought I would come here and talk to Robert first."

"And what did he say?"

"He forgave me. We were just looking out for you, mate. I know that's no excuse for how I've been acting and for the horrible things I've said to him and to you, but it's the truth. Your mum was here last night, Robert said they had a nice chat and cleared the air."

"Thank you. To both of you. I would have hated to have to choose between you."

"You would have chosen Robert."

"Yeah I would have, but it doesn't look like I'll have to now. But you have to promise this is the end of it."

"He saved your life, Aaron. When he went to prison I honestly thought he had stopped caring about you the way he ended things between you two. But after talking to him, and what he's proven again by taking a bullet for you, I realize what you were saying before, about him. He'd do anything to protect you, and he's proved that more than once now. We told him we would back off, let the two of you live your lives and not interfere. He understands where we were coming from and he said it's all water under the bridge. I hope we can do the same. You know, forget about it and move on. You know your mum and I just want what's best for you."

"And that's Robert. That's never changed. Even when I was angry when he ended things, deep down I still loved him."

Paddy put a hand on Aaron's shoulder. "And he always loved you. And we love you. The both of you. Look, I know it's been a rough couple of days but it would mean a lot to your mum if you both came by the pub, just to say hello and have a quick drink. You don't have to stay long, it would just---"

"Mean a lot to mum, I know," Aaron said. "I'll have to see how Robert is first. If he's feeling up to it, we'll stop by."

"I'm really proud of you, you know," Paddy said. "The way you've handled everything. You're one of the strongest blokes I know. And Robert well, he's not too shabby either. I'm really sorry we made things so rough for the two of you. After all of the pain you went through this past year this was the happiest time of your life and we ruined it. I hope we haven't made a mess of everything."

"Paddy, as awful as the past two days have been, and as hard as things have been since Robert got out, being with him, makes up for all of the bad. Yeah, you made things difficult but it just proved to me what I've always known." Aaron looked in the direction of Robert's hospital room. "That man in there means everything to me and we can get through anything. But having you and mum on our side now, that's going to make it even better."

Relieved, Paddy pulled Aaron in for a hug. "Your mum will be made up to hear that. Now go in there and get your man out of here. We'll see you a bit later, if Robert's feeling up to it."

* * *

Aaron had been stewing since his confrontation with Blake that morning, but now all he felt was relief.

Robert was being discharged and it seemed that his mum and Paddy had finally come to terms with his relationship with Robert, and they had even apologized to him.

It had been the last thing he expected them to do, but after Robert had saved his life - again - they finally saw what he had known all along - Robert loved him and would do anything for him.

The encounter with Blake had been brief as Aaron had little patience for his now-former business partner. In the end, Blake handed over his keys and walked out the door. He had his own life to sort out.

What if Robert had died trying to protect him from that maniac? What if today he was planning a funeral for his husband instead of pacing aimlessly in the hallway of the hospital?

Don’t, he warned himself. Don’t go there. Robert’s fine, you’re fine.

He was tired of being numb with grief, only focusing on the past when it wasn't even relevant anymore. 

It was time to let it go and focus on the present.

On their future.

Anger and guilt and grief still welled up inside him. 

He had already fired Blake and cut him out of the business, and Blake hadn’t fought him on it or even tried to wiggle his way out of it with excuse after excuse. He was gone now and Evan was in custody, they had nothing to worry about now. It was over.

Aaron opened the door to Robert's hospital room and walked to his future.

* * *

Robert felt lips brush his cheek.

Aaron nuzzled, just for a moment. Robert managed to tilt his pounding head enough to look into his eyes.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to hover over me.”

A dim memory flashed, of Aaron leaning over him, holding his hand, begging him to fight. He struggled against the mind-numbing effects of the medication the nurses had been pumping into his system to numb the pain.

“You’re not fine,” Aaron argued. “You got shot.”

“But I’m not dead, so stop worrying. And I’m getting out of here.” When Aaron leaned over to brush a kiss on his forehead, Robert recognized the heat in his eyes. “Don’t tell me you did something stupid.”

“No, but I wanted to. The cops were by this morning and told me about Evan being arrested and charged. And I fired Blake so it’s done with. I resisted the urge to do his face in.”

“There’s no point in breaking his face. We don’t need you to end up in a prison cell. He’s not worth it. Aaron, let it go.”

Let it go? How did Robert just expect him to just let it go when it because of Blake that Robert had almost died? And Robert just wanted him to  _ let it go? _

“Stop being so damn sensible. I swear prison turned you soft.”

He would have taken pleasure in ramming his fist into Blake’s face, but Robert was right. It would be reckless and stupid and he wasn’t too keen on being dragged away in handcuffs. And Robert would never let him hear the end of it, especially after the hard time Aaron had given him for taking a shovel to Lee’s skull.

The vicious rage drained slowly, faded from Aaron’s eyes, and uncurled his fists. He wasn’t a violent person. “I’m not going to hit him, I’m just saying it would feel good.” But he had too much to lose.

But it still didn’t sit right with him.

But if they’d learned anything from Robert’s time in prison it was that assaulting someone in the heat of the moment just wasn’t worth the price of losing everything. They'd learned that the hard way.

“Do you not remember what we talked about after what happened with Lee? I made a rash decision because I was angry and look where I ended up. I almost lost you.”

“I know.” Aaron sighed. “Nothing can be simple with us, can it? One of us is either getting arrested or getting shot or stabbed or…”

“Simple is boring. Can’t say I enjoyed the experience of being shot, you know again, but I did get an apology from your mum and Paddy so some good came out of it.”

"Yeah, I just ran into Paddy in the hall and he told me."

“Yeah, surprised the hell out of me too. Everything is starting to feel normal again. I'm sure I'll do something that'll make them despise me again, but I can sweet talk my way out of anything."

"What am I going to do with you?"

Robert grinned. "You love me. Now get me out of here, will you? I'm tired of being chained to this bed." He wiggled his eyebrows. "At least in this bed."

* * *

Robert kissed the sensitive spot on Aaron’s neck and whispered “mine,” before nipping the skin with his teeth, ignoring the pint Chas had placed in front of him.

Aaron grabbed Robert at the back of his neck and sank into a kiss that deepened within seconds and Aaron could already feel his body reacting. It was on fire.

He almost didn't care that they were in a booth at the back of his family's pub or that people were watching them. They were finally out in public and they didn't have it hide it anymore.

Robert was finally home and back in his arms where he belonged. It felt so good knowing they could do whatever the hell they wanted to without having to worry about the risk of getting caught.

“Should we be doing this here?” But then Robert leaned in closer and whispered something in his ear before he got up and headed into the direction of the washroom.

They were way past being discreet, Aaron thought as he grabbed his jacket and followed. He felt the prying eyes behind his back but he didn't care.

Aaron couldn't take his eyes off Robert as he closed the door behind him. This had never made sense with anyone else, Aaron thought as hands possessed and lips collided. Even when the grieving stage had ended, it still hadn't. And now he knew why. 

Maybe eventually he would have found someone else and maybe even been happy for a while, but it wouldn't have lasted. He had been left battered and bruised, but he had hauled himself up and trudged along, but the agonizing bottom line was that his heart was never his to give away. It had always belonged to this cocky, arrogant man who never would have been on his radar in the first place if it hadn’t been for Aaron nicking his car.

And that had never changed, even when Robert pushed him away, leaving him naked, raw, and wanting. He had tried to gather up every broken piece of his pride and sealed up the cracks in his heart and moved on with his life the best he could, but then all of that changed the moment Aaron had gotten the call from his lawyer that Robert had stalled their divorce.

He had unlocked the door and left it wide open in invitation. Robert had walked right back in, and there had been no turning back after that.

Together they were perfect. Fucking perfect.

“What are you thinking about?” Robert nuzzled his neck. “You look like you're somewhere else.”

“Just thinking about you. And us. How fucking perfect we are together.” And the way Robert was looking at him, he lost his train of thought.

Robert’s desire was like a runaway train that couldn’t stop. He grabbed Aaron by the collar of his jacket and crushed their mouths together. “We are fucking perfect. It took us a while to get here, but we made it. Finally. And now all I want to do is take you home and show you just how fucking perfect we are.”

Before Robert could kiss him again, Aaron pulled him outside. They had barely made it out the back door before Aaron had Robert pushed up against the wall in front of the pub. "I tried to forget how this felt, I tried so hard to bury it. But the way I feel about you, it never went away. I never want to forget what this feels like, and to know that now I can do this." A soft kiss that lingered, then deepened to something more passionate. "And this, anytime I want."

"Get a room!" Aaron rolled his eyes at Chas' comment while Robert only grinned, not even a bit fazed or embarrassed at being caught in a passionate embrace with his husband.

Robert ignored the crowd that was forming around them and buried his head in Aaron's neck. "Let's get out of here. We don't need an audience for this."

“I think we should make a pit stop on the way home,” Aaron whispered in his ear.

Robert could only swallow thickly. “Yeah?”

“Our old lay by. I haven’t been able to go there since you left. I think it’s about time we paid it a visit, don’t you?”

“And do what?” Robert said coyly, as if he didn’t already know.

Aaron whispered something into his ear which only fueled Robert’s passion for his husband more.

Aaron kissed him deeply before pulling away and straightening his jacket.

They broke records as they drove to their lay by. They tried - and failed - at waiting to get their hands all over each other before the car even stopped.

The road had been long, and very rocky, with many stumbles along the way, but in the end, they both found their way back to the one they loved like crazy.


End file.
